Trapper knows not how to blog

imagine the shiznit she’d be able to stir up in the white house!  this is the pregnant one…

sarah palin’s 17 yr old daughter - rockin’ the 66 of rye and tossin’ down the sideways peace sign! uh-huh!

 by the way, her baby’s daddy’s myspace says this:

On his MySpace page, Levi Johnston boasts, “I’m a f - - -in’ redneck” who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes.

“But I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some s- - - and just f - - -in’ chillin’ I guess.”

“Ya f - - - with me I’ll kick [your] ass,” he added.

He also claims to be “in a relationship,” but states, “I don’t want kids.”

 …and to close, howzabout a cool pic of soon to be grandma palin, maybe vice prez of the USA?  (ok, it’s photoshopped but worth a look)

i am drinking a carlsberg and surfing spyware-infested websites right now.  nothing out of the ordinary.  except the democrats’ convention is on in the background.  that’s in the USA if you’re clueless.

wow, are these events a colossal waste of time!  they don’t even pick their leader at this shmoozefest.  at least at our canadian political sh*tshows, it’s a competition that somebody wins (although sometimes that means stephane dion gets in there, but that’s for another time).

no, the yankee democrat nominee for president (or leader of the free world until their hegemony is usurped by china) was chosen months ago.  obama beat hilarity hillary.  barely, but it’s done.  so why is this back-scratching glad-handing spectacle going on?  just to make things official?  to give politicians something to do and make themselves feel important?  do they REALLY care about that single mom on welfare they’re all using as an example and did they all REALLY meet her?

i mean, don’t get me wrong, i’m enjoying the george dubyah bashing.  but these gong shows “events” look like they cost a lot of cash.  feed some hungry people.

Unlike many I’ve spoken to over the past couple of weeks, I actually look forward to the summer Olympics.  I don’t know why.  Maybe a little of the flag-waver in me, but moreso because it’s an excuse to watch more sports on TV.  Not the gymnastics, but womens’ beach volleyball I can live with

I was thinking of Olympics past and how much I paid attention to them.  Then I realized it’s hard to remember things.  Here’s how I recall Olympic games thru my lifetime:

1976 Montreal - I was alive but don’t really recall the last time the summer games were held in Canada.  Maybe it’s because I grew up in Kipling where cable TV was just a myth.  We got one TV channel (CKOS Yorkton) until I was 9.  Maybe they had to run Hymn Sing or Beachcombers instead of the Olympics.  Or maybe I was just too young to remember. 

1980 Moscow - We boycotted these so other than East German men competing as women, I didn’t hear much.

1984 Los Angeles - Russians and their cronies boycotted us back.  I had a sweet ‘84 Olympics trucker hat that my nemesis stole and drew all over in pen.  With no Soviets competing, we won 878 medals.

1988 Seoul - I was in full-on 80s-guy headbanger mode.  I ignored anything that didn’t RAWK.  The games were happening, but I was more concerned with my cherry-red flying-V guitar.

1992 Barcelona - Pretty sure I was unemployed when these took place.  You’d think that’d make me more interested with so much more free time on my hands.  But my pogey cheque wouldn’t cover the power bill.  So I hung around outdoors a lot instead.

1996 Atlanta - These games were in the US and had the worst mascots ever.   I think Donovan Bailey won the 100 m gold medal and brought home a 2nd with the mens’ relay.  I celebrated in my Lethbridge apartment with cheap yankee beer bought in Shelby, MT. 

2000 Sydney - Saw a lot of these as I was working the graveyard shift in Edmonton and the events were live when I was awake.  My roommate’s bong may or may not have been stoking while we gained a new appreciation for womens’ beach volleyball.

2004 Athens - I’d just returned from a failed attempt teaching english in Taiwan.  I can’t discipline kids.  I can’t even discipline myself.  Returned to Canada just in time to be unemployed thru August, become an absolute couch potato, and barely notice a gymnast win us a gold medal.  I mean, it’s gymnastics.  Glad we won and all, but…  I was happier for the rowing dude.  Who’s carrying our flag in this year.  In ‘04, I think our flag-bearer ended up being a Quebec separatist.  Or something like that.

2008 Beijing - Once again, I’ll be working a bizarre shift (waking up at 4am to fill for Chris/Ballsy).  Good time to catch live events though.  Might ease the pain of awaking at such an evil hour for no extra pay.  Or not.  I’ll be curious to see how the Chinese government deals with NOT being able to control everybody.  Will protesters be allowed to protest?  Will reporters be allowed free access to the internet?  Will Canada win any Gold medals?   Will Ron McLean’s cliches and oldtimey puns make Canadians grin or grimace?   I’ll be watching.

Every once in a while I go on a “white trash” road trip just a coupla hours south of the border.   No offense intended to those in Williston/Plentywood/Glendive, etc. - everyone’s always been real friendly there.  It’s nothing to do with those towns….It is “I ” who is  white trash those weekends - eating fried chicken, staying in el cheapo motels, holing up in my room quaffing cheap beer.  It’s a guilty pleasure.

But some things are different down thar.  Like…

Gun Ads in Newspapers

Seriously, the headline was “It’s Gun Time”.  Super savings on semi-automatic rifles and handguns!!

Mosquitoes Aplenty

We’ve been taking our mosquito-less summer for granted.  Just a coupla hours south, they’re talking about bringing in the Air Force to kill ‘em!  Yup, there ARE that many.  In a 4 block walk, I was bitten 17 times on my neck alone.  No fun.

Beer Cheap …But…

Good old suitcases of 30 US beers for about 15 bucks.  But if you’re buying imports (I bought Tecate from Mexico), watch out coz they have no expiration dates.  Look on imports here, they’ll tell you when the beer is “best before’.   That Tecate I just purchased down south was made way back when people actually still liked George W.  Yeah, that long ago.  I’ll still drink it though.  Wasting beer is a sin, right?

I’m dating myself here.  Thats OK.   When I was a kid one of the  ways I liked to pass the time was recording videos on my mighty Telefunken VHS from shows like Good Rockin’ Tonite, Four O’ Clock Rock (ITV Edmonton), New York Hot Tracks, Friday Night Videos, and my personal fave, Rock N America.

Rock N America was a music video show hosted ineptly by a guy named Fraze (who seemed like a half-baked 80s Tom Cruise), and his soulful sidekick Magic.  These guys’ alter-egos were the “Party Vikings” who, I thought, ruled when I was 14 or so.  They introduced me to the great metal band Armored Saint.   This vid made me go out and special order the cassette.

….less metal (well, not metal at all), they also regularly spun one of my all-time favourite 80s vids, “Fever” by Juluka.  Can anyone tell me what he’s doing with the hockey stick in this clip?  Cool move.  He’s all cool moves all through this “classic”.  If you ever see me dancing (I’d be drunk), this is what I’m going for…

how does the spirit of the west song go?  ‘you’ll have to excuse me, i’m not at my best.  i’ve been drunk for a month….get me home for a rest’.  well, something like that.  pretty much how i felt returning from mexico.  foolish debauchery - but this time i didn’t bribe any local cops (that i recall.)

many ask why mexico in the middle of summer?  it’s TOO hot there, it’s nice here, why not go in the winter instead?  well, if you go right now it is super cheap.  in fact if i would’ve waited until the week before departure, i could’ve gone for about 25% of the original price.  i am cheap.  but i like to travel.  so something has to give and i do the selloff thing as often as possible. 

sure, i could take a week off and sit around my home…but my apartment is too small and i can only take 12 hrs there continuously before verging on going postal.  so instead i go to the tropics 3+ times per year.   which, considering my meagre salary, means i have no material possessions and drive a beaten up hatchback just to fulfill my travel jones. 

but it means going to mexico!  which is always wicked good.  i mean, i hate polka music, and i despise and loathe country music.  even so, i got right into the Bandamax video channel.  which plays the very popular mexican kinda-polka kinda-pop music.  this video is the best. 

euro 2008, that is.  i know a lot of north americans find soccer boring (dinnit “the man show” call it f##ball?)

anyway, it’s the most popular sport in the world and tournaments like this (the european soccer championship) are most interesting to me.   for the games, yeah.  but especially for the festivities.  i went to my first euro in 2000 in amsterdam and i was blown away.  and not just coz it was amsterdam (although that always helps.) no, it was all the fans from the different countries - all within driving or train riding distance - descending upon the host cities for the party.   different languages.  different customs.  crazy foolery. 

the games rule too.  i’ve watched pretty much every one so far.  thank gawd for my PVR.  my favorite goal so far:

and for anyone who thinks the sport’s more for soccer moms, i know a few hooligans in belgium who’ve got bike chains with your name on ‘em.  but, to each their own.  i’m gonna watch the end of switzerland - turkey now.

No way can I start a day without a cup of java.  Aint possible.  I grind the beans too.  Used to wake up all my roommates.  They cursed me.  I laughed and enjoyed the sweet sweet coffee.  Freshly ground.  Only way to go. 

When I go down to the US, I always buy Dunkin Donuts coffee.  ‘Cos they sponsor the Boston Bruins and ‘cos it’s tasty.  Brought back some Blue Mountain joe from Jamaica.  That was decent too.  Dominican, Cuba, all these places - I used to bring back smokes and beer.  Now I bring back coffee (and some beer but those damn carry-on restrictions F-ed me all up.)  Best travelling java concoction:  Koffee Verkeerd in Amsterdam.  I think it means upside down coffee, but maybe I was just baked.

I need to say right here and now the Green Spot is where I go when I buy coffee while at work.  They are great people and their hemp blend is choice.  Hemp coffee, what?  Hemp coffee.  Roast their own beans there too, they do.  Just a block west of the Wolf studio.   The best.

I love the new Heineken mini keg.  13-15 pints ( I think) that stay fresh(ish) in your fridge.

Mind you, I just love beer.  Drinking a Pacifico whilst I watch the Blue Jays right now.  Threw a Taiwan Beer can at my TV after the scabs won vs. the Bruins last night.  Red Stripe’s stubby bottles are the shit.   I’m sure I’ve bought 75% of the Zhujiang sold in this city.

Beer runs to the USA are always on my agenda now that the dollar’s at par.  A dozen Rolling Rocks, a suitcase of Coors,  and plenty of Sam Adams = my claims at customs.  They should really know me by now and just let me pass through without going through all the formalities…

Now how’s THAT for a pointless blog entry?

I imagine this shall be read by 4-5 people over the next 7 months.

I am a Bruins fan. This does not make me anti-Canadian (well, maybe anti-Canadien but that’s a different deal altogether).

Everyone is fairly confident my Bruins will succumb to the high-flying Habitants in 5 games or less. I disagree, but I do have to say I am glad just to have my team back in the postseason. They are severe underdogs and that’s not always a bad thing. They lose, meh, no one thought they’d win anyway. They pull it off and it’s gravy. TSN picked my Bruins DEAD LAST in their preseason prognostications. So I’m already ahead of the game here.

Factoring in the lockout, it feels like I’ve been cut out of the playoffs forever. Last time my Bruins were in it, I was teaching English in Kaohsiung, Taiwan. Watching the games on delay in an outdoor bar drinking Singha and San Miguel (THAT was awesome, I do miss seeing palm trees on my ride to work). I had just moved to Asia after working part-time at The Bear in Edmonton while taking classes at Grant MacEwan College there. Seems like forever ago. Because it WAS! It’s been too long. Let’s get it going! Here we go BRUINS, HERE WE GO!