Chad & Ballsy in the Morning

If I asked you to name the highest-grossing actor of all time, who would you pick? JOHNNY DEPP maybe? LEONARDO DICAPRIO? WILL FERRELL, even?

 

–Well, you’d be wrong, wrong and WRONG. Because the highest-grossing actor of all time is SAMUEL L. JACKSON.

 

 

–Jackson’s work over the course of his career has earned $7.42 BILLION, earning him a place in the “Guinness Book of World Records”.

 

 

–Of course, Jackson isn’t always the STAR of his movies, but that doesn’t matter. As long as he’s in them, it counts.

 

 

–So I guess that means that even small, early career appearances in movies like “Coming to America” and “Goodfellas”.

 

 

–Then of course there’s the higher-profile stuff like “Pulp Fiction”, the “Star Wars” prequels, the original “Jurassic Park”, “The Incredibles” and now, all those Marvel superhero movies like “Iron Man”, “Thor” and “Captain America”.

 

You know that whole Zen Buddhist thing RICHARD GERE has going on? Well, it’s NOT an act. This guy really LIVES it . . . to the point where he actually PRAYS FOR DEAD BUGS.

 

 

–That’s according to TOPHER GRACE . . . who recently filmed a movie with Gere called “The Double”.

 

 

–He says, quote, “We were at this dinner and . . . there are bugs all over the place and I’m [smacking them] and I look over [at Richard] and am like, ‘Oh, sorry.’

 

 

–”He’s friends with the Dalai Lama and stuff. He says, ‘Don’t worry, I’m saying a prayer for each [mosquito you kill].’

 

 

–”Then this mosquito landed and was pumping blood out of his cheek . . . It had been awhile and this mosquito is getting fat with blood. And he finally said, ‘There’s a mosquito on my cheek, huh?’

 

 

–”And he lifted it [and tossed it in the air] and said, ‘Enjoy the snack.’ It’s crazy. I was blown away by that kind of stillness.” That Pretty Woman did mess  him up!! Kids never mess with hookers!

 

 

ALICE COOPER has been sober for 30 years . . . and he has said that he feels fortunate that he was able to recognize the evil of alcohol in time to cut himself off.

 

–And now, he’s saying that he believes alcohol and cigarettes are even more dangerous than illegal drugs.

 

–Alice tells “OK!” magazine, quote, “You know, looking at statistics, I think drugs should be legal and alcohol and cigarettes should be illegal. They kill more [people] than drugs do.”

 

(–If this is mainly about marijuana, then I’d agree. But if he’s talking about ALL illegal drugs, I’m not sure that I’m with him) By the way this doesn’t mean I endorse marijuana use….too much of that crap screws up you brain!! ever talk to a serious pot head? you know what I mean then…

This sounds like an old wives’ tale that parents use to keep their kids from eating cookies before bed . . . but science backs it up. Several studies have found that eating JUNK FOOD or SPICY FOOD before you go to bed makes you more likely to have NIGHTMARES. Those foods heat up your body, making your brain work . . . and when it’s that active, nightmares can happen.

The official coroner’s report says Amy Winehouse died of an alcohol overdose . . .

 

 

. . . Damn. I had “lupus” in the office pool. But then, I figured it was a long shot.

 

 

 

–Kevin Richardson will rejoin the Backstreet Boys for a December concert. Because hey, it’s not like their tour bus is going to drive itself.

 

 

 

–Dr. Conrad Murray was moved to tears during his trial when five of his patients praised him on the witness stand. Dr. Murray cried from the shock of learning that five of his patients were still alive.

 

 

–British scientists have created a super breed of broccoli that can drastically reduce cholesterol. AND, it tastes just like bacon. Nah, kidding. It tastes like broccoli. Back to your McMuffin.

 

–A British man is the world’s first patient to have a smartphone docking system built into his prosthetic arm. He’s the first guy who can literally tell people to “Talk to the hand!”

 

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–Tony Romo says he and his wife are having a baby . . .

 

I hope this whole “having a baby in wedlock” thing won’t be a blemish on the NFL.

 

  . . But unfortunately, Romo won’t be allowed to hold the kid till he proves he can go more than 15 minutes without fumbling.

 

 

And if your coming to the Wolf Metallica Extravaganza tonight at the District I’ll see you there! I’ll be the one in the Sad but True corner…Later Ballsy!

 

 

“Fitness” magazine recently conducted a survey to determine the most desired celebrity bodies. 2,000 men and women participated in the survey . . . and here’s a look at the results:

 

 

The Body Women Want Most:

 

–Jennifer Aniston’s . . . 34%

–Halle Berry’s . . . 28%

–Beyoncé’s . . . 17%

–Kim Kardashian’s . . . 15%

–Blake Lively’s . . . 6%

 

 

The Body Men Want Most:

 

–Will Smith’s . . . 37%

–Daniel Craig’s . . . 27%

–Zac Efron’s . . . 17%

–Bradley Cooper’s . . .16%

–Jon Hamm’s . . . 4%

 

 

Which Female Star Over 40 Has the Best Body?

 

–Jennifer Aniston . . . 25% (–She’s 42.)

–Halle Berry . . . 24% (–She’s 45.)

–Jennifer Lopez . . . 22% (–She’s 42.)

–Demi Moore . . . 19% (–She’s 48.)

–Gwen Stefani . . . 6% (–She’s 42.)

–Courteney Cox . . . 4% (–She’s 47.)

 

Which Male Star Over 40 Has the Best Body?

 

–Brad Pitt . . . 29% (–He’s 47.)

–Will Smith . . . 24% (–He’s 43.)

–Hugh Jackman . . . 23% (–He’s 43.)

–George Clooney . . . 17% (–He’s 50.)

–Tom Hanks . . . 4% (–He’s 55.)

–“Mad Men” star Jon Hamm . . . 3% (–He’s 40 exactly, not “over 40.”)

What Body Part Do Most Women Want?

 

–Jennifer Aniston’s abs . . . 65%

–Cameron Diaz’s arms . . . 12%

–Blake Lively’s legs . . . 11%

–Pippa Middleton’s butt . . . 7%

–Christina Hendricks’ chest . . . 5%

 

(–It’s funny that only 5% of women say they’d want Christina Hendricks’ chest, when you know MOST guys would probably want their women to have it. Anyway, you can check out the complete report at FitnessMagazine.com.)

This is a big day in history:

1955 - The FIRST MICROWAVE OVEN was sold. . . by Tappan. It cost $1,200. . . but it could cook bacon in 90 seconds.

 

1986 – In Game 6 of the World Series, New York Met Mookie Wilson hit a slow roller to first base that WENT THROUGH BILL BUCKNER’S LEGS.

 

 

(–That play allowed a run to score, giving the Mets a come-from-behind victory. They went on to win Game 7 and the Series. This play USED to haunt Red Sox fans, until their team finally won the Series in 2004. They won it again in ’07.)

 

 

1991 - Rock promoter BILL GRAHAM died at 60, in a helicopter crash while returning from a HUEY “HUNG” LEWIS CONCERT at the Concord Pavilion in California.

 

 

(–Graham built the famed Fillmore theaters, produced the LIVE AID concert, Amnesty International tour AND the Us Festival. . . and was largely responsible for the success of San Francisco artists like SANTANA, JANIS JOPLIN and the GRATEFUL DEAD.)

 

1993 -VINCENT PRICE, the Master of Horror AND the man who played EGGHEAD on “Batman”, died of the lung cancer at age 82. (–He also did vocal tracks for Alice Cooper’s “Welcome to My Nightmare” album and Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”.)

If today is your birthday…Have a great day! and did you know you share it with these people:

Katy Perry – 27 (She’s all-natural . . . for now. But when she starts to really sag, you know she’s gonna have work done. There’s too much money wrapped up in those things.)

 

 

–Keisha – 45 (Naturally-stacked mattress actress who’s starred in 313 fine films, including . . . “Fatal Erection”, “Ali Boobie &The 40 D’s”, “The Long Ranger” . . . AND “The Fist, The Whole Fist And Nothing But The Fist”.) Haha I Love Porn Titles!

 

–MARION ROSS – 83 (Mrs. “C”. Marion Cunningham on “Happy Days”.)

Here are some other celebrity tidbits for this Tuesday morning,

Alec Baldwin recently paid a visit to the Occupy Wall Street protest.  Specifically to ask that they go to another park so Billy, Daniel and Stephen can have their benches back.

Lindsay Lohan has fired her business manager . . . 

Or, as he’s affectionately known at 4:30 in the morning after Lindsay’s done something stupid, “That Dude with Bail Money”.

 -The man who signed REO Speedwagon to their first recording contract has died. Obviously not soon enough.

 Leonardo DiCaprio is upset about all those exotic animals that had to be killed in Ohio. Luckily, he can bury himself in exotic supermodels to forget about it.

-Robin Williams got married on Sunday. His wedding vows lasted two hours and included hilariously fresh impressions of John Wayne, Liberace, and Ronald Reagan.

Jennifer Lopez broke down crying onstage after singing a love song. The audience cried along with her, when they realized their tickets were nonrefundable.

 Archaeologists in Italy unearthed an amphitheater where Roman gladiators learned to fight . 

The amphitheater was buried deep between a layer of sediment and President Obama’s approval rating.

Hey what is your favourite smell, mine is the smell of a baby..nothing like it….but check this out:

 

This is one hell of a battle. In a new survey to determine the WORLD’S WORST SMELL, the scent of a WET DOG just beat out STINKY SOCKS. The survey also named freshly-baked bread as the world’s best smell, just ahead of freshly-cooked bacon and newly-washed sheets.

Halloween is 6 days aways and with that in mind here’s a trick to help keep vandals from messing up your car. Wax your car TODAY. By Halloween, the wax will have settled, but it’ll still be fresh enough to make things like eggs and silly string wash off without damaging your paint.

and here is the word of the day so you can wow them around the water cooler this morning…

Word of the Day: Sublimate:

 sublimate (verb) /sub luh mayte/ - to repress a primitive instinct by doing something more socially acceptable.

 –Example: Whenever I get so mad I want to punch someone, I sublimate my anger by singing FERGIE songs as loud as I can. At least that way I know everyone around me will end up angry too.

Have a great day! Ballsy

 

Okay ladies, here’s a conundrum: He looks like GERARD BUTLER . . . but he’s TINY in the manhood department. Still worth it?

 –Gerard is making a surfing movie called “Of Mavericks and Men” . . . and someone got set photos of him in a bodysuit. He looks a little UNIMPRESSIVE in the crotchal area.

  Okay, it’s time to go THERE again. A man’s size: Does it matter? If so, how much? Anyone out there ditch a guy because he was too small? What’s too big?)

 -Anyone out there PREFER a guy to be small? Why?

Speaking of  packages..check out this story:

Three years ago, a 47-year-old man in Las Vegas was just a normal guy with normal genitalia. Then he suddenly developed something called scrotal elephantiasis, which made his scrotum grow uncontrollably. And now, his scrotum weighs ONE HUNDRED POUNDS. Unfortunately for him, the options are either castration . . . or a risky surgery that could cost $1 MILLION.

Technology can really screw things up, case in point

The new iPhone has already broken up its first marriage. A man in New York set up his wife’s iPhone 4S with a new app called Find My Friends, which lets you see your friends’ GPS locations in real time. And early Sunday morning, she said she was at a female friend’s place . . . but he saw she was actually in a different part of the city, at a guy’s place.

So with that story in mind you might want to pay attention to this…..

Here are some of the secrets to spotting a liar. They offer up too many details . . . look you in the eye too much . . . put barrier objects between themselves and the person questioning them . . . repeat questions before answering them . . . and point their feet toward an exit.

and lets wrap up this blog posting with one of my favourites! JOKES DYSLEXIC

 

The Answer: The Riders and Tone Loc

The Question: Name two things that collapsed this month.

 

The Answer: “Footloose” and Demi Moore’s love life.

The Question:  Name two things that were better in 1984.

 

The Answer: The Occupy Wall Street protestors and our competition’s “morning show“.

The Question: Name two groups that have outlived their usefulness, but refuse to go away.

You Guys and Gals have a great day!  Later…Ballsy

 

 

 

 

If you HAD to lose one of your five senses, which one would be the hardest to live without? In a new survey, it was a LANDSLIDE . . . 75% of people say that they’d LEAST want to give up their ability to SEE. It got TEN TIMES MORE votes than any other sense. Hearing and feeling tied for second place at 7%, smell was next at 6%, and taste was last at 5%.

 

According to a new survey, 79% of men say they’re willing to lie to have sex . . . and 35% of that group are guys who’d lie about how much commitment they’re looking for in order to get-it-on. The survey also found that only 0.8% of men say they NEVER plan to get into a relationship. 

A porn star-slash-skydiving instructor got fired for combining his two jobs. The guy videotaped himself having MID-AIR SEX with a receptionist at the Bakersfield, California skydiving school where he worked. The best part is that police couldn’t find anything to charge him with. There’s no law against having sex on a private plane, and no one saw the couple as they continued things on their tandem jump, so there’s no public nudity charge.

This weekend, NASCAR fans at the Charlotte Motor Speedway can enjoy a brand new piece of American gluttony. Concession stands are going to be selling a funnel cake covered in chocolate syrup . . . and CRUMBLED BACON. It checks in around 1,300 calories and 77 grams of fat. The track will also serve burgers covered in macaroni and cheese and crumbled pork rinds.

According to a new survey, the average person says their business contacts are worth $20,000 and their personal contacts are worth $17,000. So I ask . . . why are they all just scribbled on scraps of paper? Because the survey also found 48% just have their contacts written down . . . and don’t have them backed up.

This woman must have some magical breasts. A 45-year-old woman was in court in New York this week for GETTING NAKED at Grand Central Station back in August. And in court, she opened up by FLASHING HER BREASTS at the judge. The FEMALE judge. Somehow, even after that, the judge ended up dismissing her case.

In other tidbits… 

–Britney Spears has 10 million Twitter followers. In related news, I can now identify 10 million people who I guarantee will have nothing to do with the cure for cancer.

–Sandra Bullock is planning to make a movie with Clint Eastwood. It would be the pairing of a wrinkled, old Hollywood icon . . . with the guy who played “Dirty Harry”.

–Whitney Houston was almost kicked off a flight for refusing to wear a seatbelt. But in her defense, who needs a seatbelt when you’re protected by an impenetrable force field of crazy?

 

–“Sesame Street” is launching an anti-bullying campaign. It’s about time! I’m tired of being pushed around by that rough pack of 3-year-olds in my neighborhood.

–72% of mothers plan to do their holiday shopping online.  Which means 72% of fathers better remember to “clear history” the night before.

-New research suggests great sex can cause temporary amnesia

 . . Which explains why I always forget to pay. Haha….whether your in a relationship or single you always pay!!

And speaking of relationships:

Everyone knows it’s important to keep the spark alive with a little romance now and then. But sometimes the OPPOSITE can be true. Here are the three LEAST romantic things you need for a happy relationship.

#1.) Spend Less Time Together. Having fun on your own is more important than most people realize. And that’s especially true if what you’re doing involves a hobby that only one of you enjoys.

 –That’s according to a ten-year study, which found that the worst thing you can do is engage in activities only one of you likes doing. Some relationship experts even recommend separate VACATIONS.

 –If your boyfriend or husband loves going fishing, and you just tolerate it, then don’t go along in the first place. Have fun on your own and do something ELSE together.

 #2.)Sleep in Separate Beds. It doesn’t have to affect your sex life. It’s just to make sure you always get a good night’s sleep.

 –On average, people in relationships are woken up six times a night by the person sleeping next to them. You just don’t remember, because you don’t FULLY wake up.

 –But it can affect how rested you feel the next day. And if you’re not rested, that affects your mood . . . which can affect your relationship.

 

#3.) Schedule Sex. It seems weird because we’ve been programmed to think sex should always be spontaneous.

 –But once you have kids, most people don’t have TIME to be spontaneous. And relationship experts say it’s best to have sex regularly . . . even if it’s planned. (Cracked.com)

Hey Wolf Pack have a safe and fun weekend! Ballsy

2 things I can’t stand.. A messy bedroom and a messy bathroom..So I’m pretty OCD when it comes to cleaning those areas…In fact I sit when I pee in case I go off in all directions and miss the toilet..don’t laugh you know it happens…Therefore I’m all for this next story…A restaurant in Vancouver called Edible Canada has unisex restrooms and no urinals. And to avoid leaving the toilets unusable for their female customers, they banned men from standing up to pee…

Did you hear about this:

A woman in California is SUING a sex toy company called Pipedream Products because one of their vibrating toys injured her . . . DOWN BELOW. She was using the toy back in November, felt a sharp pain . . . and then we’ll gloss over some of the more disgusting details. But let’s just say she woke up in the hospital needing pints of blood.

 A year after they were rescued, those 33 Chilean miners aren’t doing so well. Naturally, most are suffering from post-traumatic stress, and most are unemployed. One guy needed psychiatric help after catching his fiancée with another man . . . two are selling fruit and vegetables by the side of the road . . . four have returned to mining . . . and the guy who appeared on “Letterman” and ran the marathon has been treated for drug and alcohol abuse.

Are people really this stupid?

Back in 2006, a 76-year-old man went door-to-door at an apartment complex, posing as a doctor, and offered women free breast exams. Somehow, that worked . . . TWO WOMEN let him in to do it. They quickly realized he was a PERVERT, not a doctor, and he was arrested. He was facing up to 55 years in prison, but on Tuesday he reached a deal with prosecutors. The terms weren’t disclosed.

This women is an absolute tire fire….

In Texas, a 49-year-old woman has been arrested for felony stalking after just SLIGHTLY overreacting to her boyfriend dumping her. In three months she called him 1,001 times, sent 762 emails, broke his windows with a tire iron and sword, egged his house, AND started a blog about how he hurt her. She’s in jail now.

In a new survey, 18% of people say they’ve broken one of THE cardinal rules of dating . . . and used a COUPON on the first date. And even stranger . . . 73% of people say it’s not really a turn-off if someone uses a coupon on a date, and 26% of people say it would actually IMPRESS them. I’m a “frugal” SOB so I don’t see a problem with this how about you?

I would pay to see this fight! and if it was happening in the mid-90′s I would want to see it in lingerie!

There’s no way this’ll happen, but we can dream, can’t we? Some rich British dude is offering NANCY KERRIGAN and TONYA HARDING $100,000 each to slug it out in a boxing ring.

 Apparently Tonya is down, but Nancy hasn’t responded yet . . . and she probably won’t. Not only is Tonya BAD-ASS, but she’s done some professional boxing over the years.

 Nancy Kerrigan’s leg was bashed with a police baton in the run-up to the 1994 World Figure Skating Championships . . . in a plot orchestrated by Tonya’s then-husband. Tonya was hit with obstruction, but was never charged for the actual attack.

 By the way Kerrigan is 42 today. She once wanted to be an Olympic gold medalist. But that turned out to be a PIPE dream.Hahaha..I’m here for a few more sentences enjoy the Mac and Cheese!!

And finally here is your word of the day(phrase) from Chad and Ballsy… 

L’esprit de l’escalier (noun) /less pree duh less cah lee-ay/ – a French term for a witty remark you think of too late and wish you’d come up with in the moment.

 Example: When that girl told me I wasn’t good-looking enough, I just stood there, stunned and silent. Of course, on the way home, I thought of the perfect l’esprit de l’escalier: “[Screw you.” How come the brilliant comebacks always arrive too late?

Have a great Thursday..Ballsy

Believe it or not, there’s a 97% chance your parents are still having sex regularly. In a new survey of people over 50, 97% say that regular sex is good for their health . . . 65% want to do it at least twice a week, and 20% want to do it daily. Bad mental image..think about something else..Jenny McCarthy, Salma Hayek..gawd somebody help…

Believe it or not, in super rare occasions, mind-blowing sex can LITERALLY turn into mind-blowing sex. Researchers in Argentina have found that, in some rare cases, good sex can cause TEMPORARY AMNESIA. It lasts for a few hours, then your memory comes back. They’re still trying to figure out why sex would trigger it.

10% of people say they never want to have sex with the lights off. This just in: 10% of people have never had sex with me.

A dating guru named Carlos Xuma says that the three keys to dating a beautiful woman are: Confidence . . . showing interest in her . . . and being detached so she feels like she has to work to get you.

Maybe you should consider a trip to one of these places:

Japan wants to boost tourism, and this is one good way: Bring us all there for FREE. Next year, Japan will be giving 10,000 free flights to tourists. They haven’t announced all the details, but you’ll need to submit an application online saying why you want to go, and you’ll have to write a review of your trip after. You also have to pay for your own hotel, food, and expenses.

Or go to Russia:

This seems WAY too high. An international team of scientists say they’re 95% sure BIGFOOT is living in Russia. 95%! In the Siberia region they found hairs, footprints, a crudely-built giant bed, and other markers of Bigfoot . . . but, so far, they haven’t actually tracked him down. Somebody is hitting the vodka pretty hard!

And the next time a commercial makes you hungry consider this…

There’s a new article  from “The New York Times” with a few specifics that are really interesting.

 –For example, when you see food steaming, it’s usually because there’s a clothing steamer just out of frame. Here are six foods, and the gross ways they make them look delicious on TV.

 #1.) Ice Cream. They can’t use the real thing because it melts under the lights almost immediately. So according to one director, they use LARD mixed with corn syrup.

 #2.)Syrup on Pancakes. The actual pancakes might be real. But the syrup is probably MOTOR OIL. Apparently it looks better on camera.

 #3.) Ice Cubes. Again, they melt too fast. So they use fake ice cubes made out of plastic or acrylic. And a single fake ice cube can cost $500.

 #4.) Steak. They make it look perfectly cooked by coating it in SHOE POLISH. According to one director, it makes the meat look more “succulent.” And it looks like it came straight from the grill . . . even though it might have been cooked several hours earlier.

 #5.) Beer. To make the foam at the top look perfect, they add a mixture of powder, water, and silicone gel.

 #6.) Pasta. There’s always a shot of someone picking it up with a fork. And when you do it in real life, some of the pasta usually falls off. But obviously, if that happened in a commercial . . . we’d all be so disgusted, we’d never eat pasta again.

 –So to make sure it doesn’t, they add a little GLUE to the sauce.

Have a hump day! Man I love a short week…Ballsy

 

 

Here’s a random ‘fact’: Today, October 5th, is supposedly THE most common birthday in the North America. The best theory is that today is almost exactly nine months after New Year’s Eve . . . and lots of people have sex on New Year’s Eve, right? May 22nd is the least-common birthday, other than February 29th.

Pumpkin prices are up this year . . . so to save money, you can do what an artist in Russia did. He carved jack-o-lanterns and skulls into cheaper fruits and vegetables like cabbage, watermelon, apple, and eggplant.

Would you give up a few grand of your salary so one of your coworkers could keep their job? According to a new survey, 38% of people, or about two in five, say . . . ABSOLUTELY NOT. They’d rather see a coworker get fired than take a pay cut themselves. The survey also found 60% would rather their company gave up “green” initiatives than give up their coffee machine. Damn we’re all selfish..well all of you people are!! Haha..

It’s official . . . NO ONE likes scrubbing toilets. A new survey found that the number one most-hated chore for both parents and kids is cleaning the bathroom. And washing dishes is number two most-hated on both lists. For parents, the rest of the top five most-hated chores are doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, and cleaning the bedroom. For kids, it’s taking out the trash, cleaning the bedroom, and doing laundry. I don’t like scrubbing toilets but I do them regularly..I CAN’T have a messy bathroom or bedroom..TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE…

In England, a woman turned 100 and told her family what she wanted for a birthday present . . . a MALE STRIPPER. So they got her one. A stripper who goes by the name SCORPION performed for the woman at her nursing home on her birthday. I hope you weren’t eating when you read this…Sorry:(

DID YOU HEAR:

–A drunk driver crashed into LeAnn Rimes’ house. The violent collision nearly knocked LeAnn off your husband. Nearly.

-Courtney Love is writing an autobiography. Since it’s based on her memories, it will be two pages long.

The Olsen twins have designed a $39,000 backpack. So buy one now and remind those African orphans just how little you think of them!

 –Leonard Nimoy says that this year’s “Star Trek” convention will be his last . . . 

And if this news affects your day . . . hello, virgin!

 69% of North Americans have a bucket list and most include taking a trip. So does mine. My life’s goal is to be able to spend some time in Salma Hayek. Cool it people its a joke!

 -A new book features lost stories by Dr. Seuss. I think it’s called “Horton Hears a Who Gives a Crap”.

 –A German city transformed an old nuclear power plant into a theme park.  It’s getting good reviews.  Visitors give it three thumbs up!

Enjoy the day! Ballsy