Chad & Ballsy in the Morning

An 1870 guide to New York City’s brothels has been discovered in a museum’s time capsule. Meanwhile, a 2011 guide has been discovered in Charlie Sheen’s pocket..poor Charlie..his life is great for show prep…but serious as a human I hope that guy gets it turned around…

An elderly man known as the “Geezer Bandit.” has pulled off his 13th bank robbery in California.. People have been asked to be on the lookout for a grandfather who puts more than $5 in his grandpa’s birthday cards…haha

A Florida man who’s been robbed at gunpoint, stabbed with a butcher knife and bitten by snakes was struck by lightning last week. On the bright side, today he found out he’s Oprah’s half brother…

Hey we haven’t done this in a while..Time to look at Future News..

On Super Bowl Sunday: Thanks to field passes to his home stadium in Dallas, Cowboys Q-B Tony Romo will get as close to a championship as he’s ever going to!!

Also that day: within seconds of getting the Lombardi Trophy, Steelers Q-B Big Ben will forcibly have sex with it!

and 1 month from today you’ll meet homeless radio star Ted Williams! Then feel really guilty until the light turns green…

In other news…These are 5 things that experts say will cost you less in 2011..

1) Blu Ray Players are expected to be under 40 bucks this year..

2) E-Readers will drop to 99 dollars…

3)HD TVS…a 55 inch HDTV is expected to cost around $600 this year…in 2009 the same t-v was around $1200

4) Laptops…experts say you should get one for around 400 this year..and that is one with a dual-core processor!

5) External Hard Drives for Your Computer… The price is expected to fall to around 50 bucks….2 years ago a two-terabyte hard drive was about 140 dollars…

But remember this show is always free!! I know what your thinking….even at that price you overpaid….

Zdeno Chara still has the hardest shot in the NHL. The Bruins captain set a new record at the NHL Skills Competition in Raleigh, NC with a 105.9 mile per hour blast. In Bill-anese speak…”he could fire that thing through a car wash and it wouldn’t get wet!”

This station was built on Tom Foolery, Skull Duggery, and the Wolf Jet..It’s ready for take off!!! Now we need to decide where to go…and you get to help….How bout you respond at this blog and we will DEFINITELY consider your request.

In other news….the Oscar nominations were announced…or as Adam Sandler and Ben Stiller call it….Wednesday…Amongst the Best Actress nominees: Oprah’s half sister for saying she’s not thinking about the money….

Time now to play the Answer is C…

After several hours of intense surgery, Bret Michaels no longer has:

a) a hole in his heart

b) a cyst on his liver

C) A BANDANA ON HIS HEAD

A new report blames smoking and obesity for:

a) rising health costs.

b) burdening the health care system

C) WHY  DADDY LEFT MOMMY

And please where do these people hide…haha apparently in Sweden. A man was having bowel issues and asked to use the washroom at a convenience store..He was told it was for employees only..So he dropped his pants in the middle of the store and went right there on the floor..When he was done he left his soiled underwear and the pile behind!!!and for good measure he shoplifted some candy on the way out….He got 10 months in prison….Have a great hump day! Ballsy

This week on the show we read an email from Cheryl. She was upset because her boyfriend farted in church during a wedding and embarrased her and now she’s thinking of breaking up with him.. Well we got another great email from a fine “Wolf listener.”

“First off!! YOU GUYS ROCK! I listen to you every morning on my commute into the city from 630 – 8! As for Cheryls fart story…..all women fart and no Bill they do not fluff…they fart!
I had been on  a few dates with a guy and then he invited me out to his place for dinner one evening. I went to his place, he then started to make dinner and his two american eskimo dogs were in the living room with me watching him in the kitchen prepare dinner. I caught a chill so I sat down on the couch and hugged both of my legs to my chest…..as I proceeded to do this I let out a huge ripper…..even the dogs turned around to look, he just stood there and watched my face turn three shades of red….I was so embarassed….it couldnt have been that bad we have now been married for two years…..so Cheryl needs to lighten up!!!!!
 
Natasha..

I agree…we all have floated the “air biscuit” at an awkward time..

In other news.. Regis Philbin announced yesterday that he is retiring…probably because he’s been dead since 1956..haha…

-Motley Crue Singer Vince Neil will spend 2 weeks behind bars for drinking and driving as part of a plea deal….Neil says he learned the hard way that you can’t drink and drive….I would think he should have learned that lesson 27 years ago when his DRUNK DRIVING KILLED a guy….

-Steve Jobs is off on medical leave, the top person at Apple now should be Betty White…Why not, she’s in everything else…I love her in those Snickers ads…

-A new study says that beautiful people have higher IQ’s than the rest of us.. In related news, sales of the 2011 Bill and Ballsy calendar are THROUGH THE ROOF!

-the greatest talent show on earth starts again tonight…that’s right AMERICAN IDOL….One of the new judges is Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler….Tyler plans on recording some new tracks with the band this weekend….Imagine another Aerosmith “TOO OLD TO TOUR-TOUR”… one the songs on the album is a remake of an earlier hit…its everybody’s favourite bingo song…Janie’s Got B 1!!! Haha….at least that made me laugh….

-Dolly Parton turns 65 today…finally her age matches her bra size…

today on the program we played fact or bullcrap:

- Buttons were put on sleeves to stop soldiers from wiping their faces…FACT…. both Fredrick the Great and Napolean have been credited with the idea…don’t ask me why they did that…

- The average person eats about 2 tons of food over their lifetime….BULLCRAP….its closer to 35 tons…

–here is a typical Canadian for you.. On Vancouver Island a young single man was woken up on Saturday just after 3 am when a random NAKED WOMAN climbed into his bed. And he reacted by…freaking out and calling the cops…she lived in the same building on a different floor and for some reason her key worked in his lock…No arrests were made…the apologetic single Canadian man gave back the NAKED WOMAN…

Over 4,000  on hand last night to watch Mike Sillenger’s jersey raised to the roof! Tip of the hat to the Pats organization for a ceremony that was nicely done! The night was somewhat tainted with the Pats losing to the Oil 4-1.

Check out the Pats skills competition Sunday 1pm a the Co operators center! Entry is free with a non perishable food item.  Bill and Ballsy to host!

Married? Happily? Wanna know if you should be concerned about the big D? Click on icon and do the math. Can hurt, might help. Better to informed than “flanked” I say.  It’s in my forth coming book!  Cheers big ears!

This story is either AWESOME or DISGUSTINGLY DISRESPECTFUL….depending on how serious you take your cover bands.. A Texas Def Leppard cover band call Pyromania recently put out a flyer, saying they were looking for a ONE-ARMED drummer.

Obviously they were doing this to mimic real drummer Rick Allen who lost his arm in an accident in 1984. Apparently they found their drummer because when I called the number this morning the message thanked all those who auditioned and goes on to say they have found their one-armed man… Wow that is unreal!! In other Def Leppard news, the real band is said to be touring this year with KANSAS and HEART…Stayed tuned for more details..or don’t….Haha..Later Gators….Ballsy..

Very, very interesting, scientifically proven stuff I’m about to tell you…I would never have guessed this!

1) You can’t stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time, a physical impossibility..

2) All idiots, after reading #1 will try it.

3) And discover #1 is a lie.

4) You are smiling now because you are an idiot.

5) You soon will tell another potential “idiot” about this.

6) There is still a stupid smile on your face.

I apologize for doing this to you but I’m an idiot and I needed company.

Cheers, Ballsy have a super day!

A couple things, as I don’t have all day. These are my two main pet peeves.

1. Reality TV. For the love of god can we put something more compelling on the tube? Anything but this shizz! More sports perhaps..I’d even learn to like darts, bowling or basketball!

2. Shock advertising on cigarette packaging. If you think for one minute these ads on smokes make people think twice about quitting…you have a drinking problem! Maybe we should put these types of ads on beer cases and wine labels as well? Gimme a break. What a waste of tax payers money!

I don’t encourage smoking, my dad died of lung cancer. What I do support is banishing programs that are a waste of  TAX dollars, and I pay a truck load! Figure it out “smokey”.  Just saying….

Toff out.