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Chad and Ballsy Videos of the Day!

Tuesday, June 18th, 2013

Watch Miss Utah Blow a Question at the Miss America Pageant

 

 

25-year-old Erin Brady won the Miss America pageant on Sunday night . . . she was Miss Connecticut. But Miss UTAH had the best moment. For some reason the video’s only making the rounds now, but she botched a question pretty badly.

 

 

She’s 21-year-old Marissa Powell, and when one of the judges asked her about equal pay for women, she started talking about education, blanked for four seconds, lost the thread, started talking about the economy, and finished by saying we need to, quote, “create education better.”

 

 

(So, not the WORST beauty pageant answer ever. That honor still belongs to the Miss Teen USA contestant from South Carolina in 2007, who talked about how U.S. Americans don’t have maps, and should help the Iraq.)

 

 

She says she was so nervous, she spaced out during the question and didn’t really hear it. But instead of asking the judge to repeat it, she decided to fake an answer and got flustered. (Search for “Miss Utah Epic Meltdown“.)

 

 

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Is this The Worst Baggage Handler Ever?

 

 

There’s a video on YouTube from a year ago that’s suddenly getting passed around online. It’s a guy loading boxes onto a plane at an airport in China, and he’s easily the WORST baggage handler ever.

 

 

He’s unloading a big pallet of cardboard boxes, tossing them onto the conveyer belt with ZERO concern for whether they make it on, and just dumping and throwing them all over the place. It goes on for three minutes, and then he basically has to re-do the job.

 

 

(Search for “This Lazy Airplane Loader is the Living Embodiment of Monday“. It’s amusing how he stops ‘working’ at 2:23 to check his cell phone.)

 

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Your toilet seat is killing you!

Tuesday, June 18th, 2013

These stats are from the U-S but I don’t think they’d be much different here in Canada.

Your toilet seat is secretly trying to DESTROY YOUR JUNK.

Believe it or not, between 2002 and 2010, there were 13,175 people who went to the hospital because their TOILET SEAT injured their GENITALIA.

About two out of three of those cases were toilet seats FALLING down and SLAMMING onto the delicate male junk.

In 97% of cases, it was a male child seven or younger . . . which makes sense, based on their height and a toilet’s height. Your toilet HATES your son.

Only five grown men were hurt last decade by a toilet seat falling on their junk.

 

Ladies make sure he has insurance

Women live longer than men . . . that’s ALWAYS been true. But here’s a theory WHY. Turns out men might just be more FRAGILE than women, even if men’s larger, thicker, beefier bodies make us all think the opposite.

 

 

And men aren’t just more likely than women to die when they’re old. They’re more likely to be miscarried . . . male babies are more likely to die than female babies . . . and men are more likely to die in middle age too.

 

 

So scientists have a theory that the male body just isn’t quite built as STRONG as the female body. They’re just not quite sure WHY.

 

 

It might be that testosterone makes men weaker. There might be something in the Y chromosome that makes men more susceptible to disease. Or it might be that larger bodies just break down sooner than smaller bodies.

 

 

Whatever it is, men are more likely to die at EVERY SINGLE AGE . . . and there has to be some explanation. So maybe it is that men are just the more FRAGILE sex. Who knew, right?

Of course women are tougher…they bleed every month and still live! And men die first because they want to.

 

Your mom is tough!

I guess now that Father’s Day is over, we can stop giving dads attention and go back to focusing on moms.

Here are some results from a big new survey on moms and STRESS.

The average mother feels stressed at least five times a day. 14% feel stressed at least 10 times a day.

The most stressful time of day is 11:56 A.M. Probably because it’s right around lunch time, when they realize the morning is over and there’s a TON of stuff still left to do.

The second-most stressful time is 8:01 A.M. And the third-most stressful time is 5:30 P.M.

The most stressful situation is going to the grocery store with kids. The rest of the top five are: Juggling housework with taking care of kids . . . the chaos of the morning . . . trying to get kids to eat . . . and preparing different meals for picky kids.

And the average mother spends three hours and 28 minutes a day doing family tasks.

 

No thanks….

These CAN’T taste good . . . right?

Oreos just released a new, limited-time flavor for the summer. And it is . . . WATERMELON-FLAVORED OREOS. Yes, Watermelon Oreos.

They use the vanilla cookies, not the traditional chocolate ones. And in between you get cream that’s half pink, half green, and all watermelon-y.

By all rights, this should be disgusting . . . but the early reviews online are POSITIVE. The website JunkFoodGuy.com described it as, quote, “a watermelon taste like it had been blended with cream. Imagine a watermelon ice cream.”

They’re $3 a package, but you can only get Watermelon Oreos at Target, and just for the summer. So maybe look for them at the Northgate Mall.

 

Stupid news…

According to a new survey, email is the method of communication most likely to make people angry at work. Two out of three people say they’ve had a work email that unintentionally caused anger or confusion . . . 51% of people got angry when their email didn’t get a reply . . . and 25% were upset about too many “reply all” messages.

 

According to a new survey, two out of three people have gotten lost because of their GPS. Not smartphones . . . just the GPS in your car. 63% said the GPS either gave incorrect directions, or gave directions that were unnecessarily complicated. The average person has been led astray by GPS 4.4 times. Which is why HALF of us still keep maps in the car.

 

In 2009, a guy in Texas got a $6 million settlement after being wrongly imprisoned for 24 YEARS for several rapes he didn’t commit. And his ex-wife is SUING for the money . . . saying she’s entitled to some of it too. She stayed with him his first decade in prison, but they got divorced in 1992. This is the first time in U.S. history an ex-spouse has sued for a part of a wrongful conviction settlement.

 

On Friday, a new Applebee’s in Coney Island, New York was preparing to open, when they decided to put a SHARK into their 5,000-gallon aquarium. And he immediately went on a KILLING SPREE. He ate three fish and was taken out of the tank. The owner of the Applebee’s says the shark wasn’t quite ready to go from the ocean to an aquarium.

 

On Friday, a grandmother was at her home in New Mexico when a guy broke in. She struggled with him and pulled off the bandana covering his face. And that’s when she found out it was her 22-year-old GRANDSON. Then he shoved her down and stole her purse. So she called the cops and he was arrested for felony robbery.

 

Last week, a 41-year-old man in Wisconsin was standing outside of a bar, drunk, YELLING, preaching, and arguing about whether or not it’s legal to have sex with a GOAT. Eventually someone called the cops, and he was arrested for disorderly conduct. Also, for what it’s worth, it’s illegal to have sex with a goat in Wisconsin.

 

 

Ladies, would you wear stockings that made you look like you had hairy legs . . . if it would keep annoying guys from hitting on you?

 

Holly Wolf report…

 

Star” magazine claims DEMI MOORE is getting “revenge” on ASHTON KUTCHER by showing her friends pictures of his manhood, and mocking it for its smallness. Back in 2003, BRITTANY MURPHY also dissed Ashton’s package after they broke up.

 

The sex tape featuring “Girls Gone Wild” scumbag JOE FRANCIS has been purchased by Vivid Entertainment. But they’re not releasing it . . . they did it as a FAVOR to him. Joe claims the tape was stolen, and instead of letting the cops handle it, the head of Vivid said he, quote, “made a decision to expedite the process and return the movie to its original owner.” What do you think? Should this video see the light of day and give the guy some payback? Or is this situation different than drunk girls on spring break who signed a waiver?)

 

How much would you pay to go on a date with 91-year-old BETTY WHITE? Because this is your chance: A “date with Betty” is being auctioned off on eBay, with the proceeds going to charity. As of last night, the current bid was $5,100.

 

 

ED HARDY . . . the guy who created the artwork for the Ed Hardy clothing line . . . is blaming JON GOSSELIN for making his line UNCOOL. He says, quote, “That Jon Gosselin thing was the nail in the coffin. That’s what tanked it.”

 

CHARLIE SHEEN may have flipped out on his “Anger Management” co-star SELMA BLAIR, after she complained about his work ethic. According to TMZ, Charlie FIRED her . . . but there’s no official word. Also, Charlie supposedly wants to work with MILA KUNIS, which is weird since she’s dating ASHTON KUTCHER, who replaced him on “Two and a Half Men”.

 

 

FABIO has been featured on the cover of over 400 cheesy romance novels, and in most of the pictures, he’s embracing some love-struck female. But apparently his new thing is to go to the grocery store in Los Angeles, and take pictures while he cradles full-grown MEN in his arms

 

 

MARIAH CAREY is vacationing in Italy, and almost popped out of the BOTTOM of her bikini top while she was climbing onto her yacht yesterday (TMZ)

 

SOFIA VERGARA’S boobs get so much attention, it’s easy to forget about her luscious BACKSIDE. Luckily, she reminded us by posting a poolside bikini pic over the weekend. DailyMail)

 

The Amazing Spider-Man 2″ doesn’t come out until next May. But yesterday the studio announced two more sequels, set for release in 2016 and 2018.

 

“Sesame Street” has introduced its first Muppet with a parent in JAIL. But it’s just an online thing . . . not part of the show…I’ll spare you the Elmo jokes…

 

Other tidbits..

Insiders say Kim Kardashian’s daughter will have a name starting with “K.” I’m guessing, “Ka-Ching.” You?

 

 

Kim Kardashian Tweeted her first message since giving birth. She says the baby’s happy, healthy and currently resting in the prop department at E!

 

 

 

Miley Cyrus says she enjoys making “hood” music. Because if there’s anyone who can capture inner city soul, it’s a white girl who grew up in a Nashville mansion.

 

 

An Immortality Conference took place in New York City over the weekend:

 

. The conference featured experts on not aging like researchers, scientists, and Rob Lowe.

 

 

The G-8 Summit began yesterday in Northern Ireland:

 

. . . The leaders from Canada and Germany spent the day discussing a way to return that monkey to Justin Bieber.

 

A man in Colombia is auctioning his testicles to pay for his vacation:

 

. . . Don’t worry. He’s going to France. So he’ll fit right in.

 

. . . Just goes to show, people will do anything to avoid that fee for extra bags.

 

Win the day Ballsy!

 

 

 

 

 

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An interesting fundraiser!

Monday, June 17th, 2013

A South American poet is trying to sell his testicles, to fund a European tour. Wait, what? After finding himself broke on a 2012 tour of South America and having to break a few laws to get by, the Colombian native decided to prevent a repeat by gathering up the sufficient funds for his next trip in advance.

According to Colombia Reports, Raffael Brochero, 52, is looking to sell his balls for at least $20,000 — but another source claims he is asking for closer to $200,000, which sounds more reasonable, but not by much.

Brochero, who is a married father of one, reportedly told a local radio station he welcomes the transplantation of his testicles into the body of a man who needs them more than he does, or, failing that, their use in the preparation of soup.

 

Kim and Kanye have a girl…

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are now the parents of a baby girl. So here are the Top Things Kim and Kanye’s Daughter Would Say if She Could Talk

 

Sure, you love me now, dad. But wait until I wanna listen to Taylor Swift.

Why’s daddy crying? Oh, that’s right . . . nobody’s paying attention to him.

Why are these Three Wise Men here with gold, frankincense and myrrh?

So the black thing with a lens that makes clicking sounds, is that called mommy or daddy?

Why doesn’t grandaddy’s face move?

 

Bad gas leads to an arrest:

Earlier this month, a group of cops in Leicester, England was driving in a patrol car . . . and one of them COULDN’T STOP BREAKING WIND.

Apparently he’d just started a high-protein diet, and it was causing nauseating gas. And it smelled so awful, the other cops yelled at him, rolled down the windows, and stuck their heads out to get some fresh air.

And that’s when they all smelled REEFER.

They pulled over, and followed the smell of marijuana to a house down the street. It turned out to be an illegal marijuana grow house . . . with about $19,000 worth of pot inside.

They arrested seven people and confiscated the marijuana . . . and it’s all thanks to one cop’s horrible flatulence.

 

Do you have super powers…

 

“Man of Steel” opened big this weekend. But if you think about it, being superstitious means thinking YOU can change events with superpowers. Like these four, from an article on Cracked.com.

1. Influencing the outcome of sporting events. If someone told you they could make the Spurs win with their mind, you would say they’re insane. But that’s no different from wearing a lucky jersey, or not washing your socks during the playoffs.

But let’s face it . . . unless you’re paying players to throw games . . . if you’re not a player, you don’t count. Ever tried to get someone to miss a foul shot? That.

2. Communicating with inanimate objects. You’d be surprised, but a LOT of people think they can talk to a car and get it to start.

3. Reading omens and signs. People want to BELIEVE the universe is trying to tell them something: You lock your keys in your car on the way to work, and that’s supposed to be some sort of message that you shouldn’t go.

 

4. Making bad things happen by joking about them. Like when you wake up on a sunny day, and make a joke about rain, and suddenly someone wants to blame you for ruining their picnic.

If you could REALLY control future events, you’d be using them for more important stuff. Like casting love spells on supermodels, or making yourself a billionaire. That would REALLY be a superpower . . . which is why you don’t have it. (Cracked.com)

How much can you bench press?

 

I don’t know how much you can bench press . . . but I’m pretty sure I would have trouble benching 187 pounds right now. Which officially means I’m weaker than this dude…

Last week, 91-YEAR-OLD Sy Perlis of Surprise, Arizona shattered a world record by bench pressing 187.2 pounds.

No one over 90 has ever bench pressed that much. In fact, the previous record for a 90-year-old was 135 pounds. Sy beat that by 52 pounds.

Sy didn’t start lifting weights until he was 60 . . . but he LOVED it. He entered his first competition five years ago. And now he’s got a record that seems like it will stand for a while.

If you’re wondering whether it’s safe for a 91-year-old man to be competitively bench pressing . . . the answer is yes, as long as he’s healthy and his doctor signs off on it. (USA Today)  

 

Holly-Wolf report

It’s always great when 2 grease fires go at it! CHARLIE SHEEN is NOT happy that FARRAH ABRAHAM released some text messages they’d exchanged. He lashed out at her in one of his typically insane rants . . . and she fired back, saying that the drugs and fame had messed with his head, and, quote, “You sound like you have mental issues.”

 

To celebrate his 60th birthday, TIM ALLEN rented out a movie theater to watch “Man of Steel” with his friends. And they surprised him by having a marching band show up

 

“Man of Steel” had a huge $125 million opening weekend. That breaks the record for the biggest June opening weekend ever, and it’s more than double what “Superman Returns” made when it came out in 2006. The only other new wide-release was that “This Is the End” comedy, which made a respectable $20.5 million in 2nd place.

 

UMA THURMAN is looking a lot more busty at age 43 than you probably remembered. She brought out some serious cleavage on the red carpet for an AIDS benefit in New York (Popoholic)

 

SERENA WILLIAMS hit the beach in Miami looking absolutely JACKED in a green-and-white bikini. It’s kind of hard to look at the pictures without thinking, “This woman would break me in HALF.” (Daily Mail)

 

Now that CARRIE UNDERWOOD and MIKE FISHER have settled permanently in Nashville, they’ve decided to sell their five-bedroom mansion in Canada. They’re asking $2.2 million, but hey, it comes with a wine cellar.

 

(The real estate company posted a video of the house. It’s kind of cheesy, but I was blown away by the huge master bath at the 1:54 mark.)

The owner of the New England Patriots claims Russian President VLADIMIR PUTIN stole one of his Super Bowl rings in 2005. Putin claims it was a gift. (Full Story)

 

Only 11% of People Believe Teamwork is a Good Way to Get Stuff Done

We’ve been taught ever since we were little kids that there’s no “I” in team, and we can all do so much more when we work together. And after a lifetime of hearing those lessons . . . we all COMPLETELY disagree.

A new survey found that 89% of office workers in North America. say they’re MOST productive when they work ALONE. Only 11% think teamwork is a good way to get stuff done. Oh well. (Successful Meetings)

Chad and Ballsy Video of the day

 

Shawn Stefani Sunk a Hole-in-One at the U.S. Open Yesterday

 

 

Justin Rose won the U.S. Open yesterday, but there was a pretty sweet moment for Shawn Stefani too: The first ever hole-in-one at a U.S. Open at the course in Merion, Pennsylvania. And only the 43rd in U.S. Open history.

 

 

His tee shot on the 17th hole went completely over the green, landed in the rough, then slowly trickled back down and into the hole. His reaction was pretty great too. (Search for “Shawn Stefani Hole-in-One“.)

 

 

The other amusing moment was on Friday, when Carl Pettersson was in the middle of his back swing on the 5th hole, and an errant tee shot on the SECOND hole from Brandon Crick rolled over, and KNOCKED his ball away.

 

(Search for “Watch Carl Pettersson React To His Golf Ball Getting Hit“.)

 

Other tidbits…

Charlie Sheen trashed Farrah Abraham for going public with their private correspondence. FYI: just HEARING that sentence gave your ear herpes.

 

Canada is one of the most accepting countries when it comes to homosexuality. Experts credit its motto: “Canada: Home to Celine Dion.”

 

A company in London is making ice cream from breast milk. It’s perfect for that person in your family who loves ice cream and is also a disgusting pervert.

 

Yesterday was Father’s Day. Or as Woody Allen calls it, Husband’s Day.

 

Ben & Jerry’s ice cream is rolling out flavors that are supposed to reflect what different cities taste like. I want to see what they come up with for Edmonton . . . mostly because I’m curious to see what “despair” tastes like

 

The most moderate of the Iranian presidential candidates won the election. And by “most moderate Iranian candidate” I mean the one who only wants to annihilate Israel on the weekends.

 

Chelsea Clinton says it’s time for a woman in the Oval Office. Then her dad reminded her that he’s had LOTS of women in the Oval Office

Win the day! Ballsy

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Videos of the day!

Friday, June 14th, 2013

Here are some cool videos that we stumble upon:

This “Arrested Development” Video Game Looks Amazing! But Sadly, You Can’t Play It

 

 

If all you do is play video games and watch “Arrested Development” . . . you might want to reexamine your life as a whole. But before you do that, check out a YouTube video for something called “Bluthfighter”. (pronounced “Blooth fighter.”)

 

 

It’s a proof-of-concept video for a “Mortal Kombat” style fighting game, and the fighters are all characters from the show.

 

 

Sadly, the game probably won’t end up being made, because the guys behind it would have to get permission from the show’s producers. But the video is pretty good on its own.

 

 

It shows Tobias in his Blue Man Group paint, fighting a Segway-riding Gob. (pronounced “Jobe”) And Carl Weathers also makes an appearance. If you know the show, there are a TON of inside jokes.

 

 

(Search for “Bluthfighter – The Arrested Development Fighting Game.” They start fighting at :33. WARNING: They say the word “a**”.)

 

 

4. A Baseball Fan Tumbles Down Two Rows of Seats, and the TV Camera Happens to Be on Him When It Happens

 

 

At yesterday’s Mets-Cardinals game, a fan holding a beer slipped and tumbled over two rows of seats. And the camera that was on the pitcher happened to show it in the background.

 

 

(Deadspin.com has the video. Search for “Beer-Wielding Mets Fan Tumbles Over Seats.” It happens at :04.)

 

David Letterman Loves Asking Drummers, “Are Those Your Drums, or Are They Rentals?”

 

 

Whenever a band is the last guest on a late-night talk show, there’s always that awkward moment when the host has to walk over and tell them how GREAT they were . . . even when they clearly don’t believe it.

 

 

Well, now we know how DAVID LETTERMAN likes to handle the situation . . . or maybe he just likes beating a joke to death.

 

 

Because there’s a new montage online of him saying the same thing over and over again to dozens of bands, including The Black Keys, The Strokes, OK Go, The Foo Fighters, and about 30 more.

 

 

He walks over from his desk, looks at the drummer and says, quote, “Are those your drums, or are they rentals?” Then he usually comments on how great the drum set is. (???)

 

 

(Search for “David Letterman – Are Those Your Drums?“)

 

Some other tidbits:

Kanye West’s rep called the cheating allegations against him “a sad attempt to hurt two people trying to live their lives.”

. Kanye gets upset when you attack the person he loves the most. And he wants you to leave Kim alone, too

 

 

101-year-old Iowa woman received her high school diploma:

 

. . . She’s already been offered a job in heaven.

 

 

A two-faced kitten was born in Oregon. The kitten is healthy, but it pretends to be your friend and then secretly flirts with your boyfriend behind your back.

 

A new pill makes it 50% less likely that needle-using drug addicts will contract the HIV virus. Junkies say they haven’t felt this relieved since they last shot up.

 

Win the Day! Ballsy

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Don’t forget about Dad!

Friday, June 14th, 2013

Father’s Day is Sunday, so you still have time to buy a new present if you botched it. You might actually have to walk into a store and buy it like it’s 1994 or something, but at least there’s time.

 

 

In a new survey, dads ranked the three WORST Father’s Day gifts. They are . . .

 

 

3. Socks and underwear.

 

2. A tie.

 

1. FORGETTING . . . or not giving him anything at all.

 

 

The BEST gifts include: Photos of the kids, handmade gifts and cards, and just spending time with the family.

 

 

But when dads had to list gifts that actually cost money . . . in other words, the REAL gifts they want . . . they mentioned electronics, power tools, and sports gear and equipment.

 

 

If you want to go power tools, a separate survey found for the first time ever, more dads want power washers than drills.

 

Daddy DNA

Here’s a great last-minute Father’s Day gift . . . a DNA test to prove he’s actually your dad. Sounds heartwarming.

 

According to a new survey by that cheating website AshleyMadison.com, as many as ONE IN FOUR women don’t know for sure if the guy raising their kids is actually the father.

 

That breaks down to 9% of women who say they KNOW their kid or kids don’t actually belong to the guy who’s raising them . . . and another 16% who say they’re not totally positive who fathered one or all of their kids.

 

Of those women, three-quarters say it’s their YOUNGEST child whose father is in question. Happy Father’s Day! Hope that new tie makes up for being CUCKOLDED!

 

Workout before you Workout!

You probably know that exercising and being in good shape lead to better sex . . . and probably MORE sex if we’re being honest. But for more specifics, check out the top five workouts for your sex life, and why they help.

 

 

1. For increased arousal, do cardio. Things like running and cycling help increase blood flow . . . including blood flow in the baby-making zone . . . which is especially important for older MEN.

But it’s crucial for women too, and a recent study found that 20 minutes of cycling led to a 170% increase in below-the-belt circulation for some women.

2. To make the end result of sex more intense, do yoga. It’s good because it helps strengthen your pelvic muscles, also called Kegels . . . which guys have too. Specifically, yoga moves that include warrior poses and lunges work best.

 

3. If you want to get into crazy positions, do Pilates. It helps with flexibility in your hips, abs, back, and glutes. And it also helps with balance.

 

4. To make the missionary position easier, do push-ups. They work your chest and triceps, so it’s easier to hold yourself up for an extended period of time.

5. To up your endurance, try high-intensity interval training. For example, get on a bike or a treadmill, and go as hard as you can for 30 to 60 seconds. Then slow down to a gentle pace for a minute or two, and repeat the process up to 10 times.

Doing that once or twice a week will up your staying power in the sack, and make the process less exhausting in general.

(YourTango)

 

Man why are you sooo insecure?

A new study out of Victoria University in Australia wanted to find out if men are INSECURE about their SIZE in the PANTS. And they found men ARE . . . but not in the way you’d think.

The study found men AREN’T all that insecure about what WOMEN think of their package . . . they’re insecure about what OTHER DUDES think of their package.

The researchers say, quote, “Men’s preoccupation with size was rarely to do with pleasing sexual partners or even appearing as a better sexual partner. It was more about competition with other men.

“Many felt most insecure about their size in environments where other men might see them, [like] gym locker rooms.”

That was true for men of ALL ages surveyed, from 18 to 76.

The study also found men are more insecure about their weight and their muscles in front of other men than in front of women

Email bag:

I have a friend that my group of friends calls the “one-upper.”

 

 

Regardless of what big news you have, our friend somehow manages to top it with even BIGGER news. Well, she really did it the other day.

 

My boyfriend and I just got engaged. I gathered all my friends to tell them about it. Turns out, the one-upper had her own news to share.

What was it, you ask? Oh, she’s PREGNANT. Yeah. She totally stole my thunder and ruined my announcement.

 

Patty, 36  (I’m with you Patty..I hate one-uppers..I like the nickname too)

 

What if you don’t like your street squish?

 

There are a few things in life you just have to buy at your own risk. This might be the biggest one.

 

 

On Tuesday night, in West Midlands, England, a man ordered himself a PROSTITUTE who was advertising in the back section of a newspaper.

 

 

When she got there, the man called the police . . . to report that she was UGLY.

 

 

He told the dispatcher that he’d asked her to describe herself before he ordered her services. But when she showed up, quote, “she mis-described and misrepresented herself totally.” So he thought she should be arrested for false advertising.

 

 

The dispatcher hung up on him, but a police officer called back and told him not to call the police to complain about a prostitute’s looks again.

 

 

He could’ve been charged with soliciting sex or false reporting, but they let him off with a warning

Listen up Gold Diggers!

Father’s Day is on Sunday. For everyone out there with ‘daddy issues,’ here are six facts about sugar daddies.

 

 

1. The average sugar daddy is 39 years old.

 

 

2. 33% are married.

 

 

3. Their average income is $273,301.

 

 

4. The most common job for a sugar daddy to have is “entrepreneur.”

 

 

5. The average monthly allowance they give the women who hit them up is is $5,100 a month . . . or $61,200 a year.

 

 

6. Sugar daddies in Miami are the most generous . . . their monthly ‘allowance’ tops $6,100 a month. Allowances in New York, Los Angeles, and Las Vegas are also higher than the U-S national average. Not sure what Canadian

 

HollyWolf Report:

.–BILLY RAY CYRUS’ wife TISH has filed for divorce. She wants spousal support and full custody of their 13-year-old daughter Noah. Billy Ray and Tish ALMOST split up in 2010, amid rumors that Tish was nailing BRET MICHAELS

 

–Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky may have gotten married on “Full House”, but JOHN STAMOS and LORI LOUGHLIN never got to hook up in real life. And apparently that’s a source of some regret for John. He says, quote, “No disrespect to her family and her husband now, [but] I would say that she could be the one that got away.”

 

–Maybe JUSTIN BIEBER wasn’t driving his Ferrari on Memorial Day after all . . . despite what KEYSHAWN JOHNSON and at least one other witness say. Supposedly, law enforcement sources have surveillance video that shows the Ferrari pulling into Justin’s driveway with TYLER, THE CREATOR behind the wheel. And Justin pulls in behind him on a motorcycle.

 

–You’ve got two movies in theaters this weekend. “Man of Steel”, the Superman reboot starring Henry Cavill and Amy Adams . . . and “This is the End”, a comedy by Seth Rogen about celebrities freaking out during the end of the world.

 

–During some conference in Australia, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER said “Terminator 5″ is happening, and he’s playing the Terminator again. It starts shooting in January. He also said that a new “Conan” movie and the sequel to “Twins” are still happening.

 

–KEITH RICHARDS took the idea of experimenting with drugs LITERALLY. He says, quote, “I was very interested in what I could take and what I could do. I looked upon the body as a laboratory. I used to throw in this chemical, and then that one, to see what would happen. I was intrigued by that.”

 

–ROBERT DOWNEY JR. is in Massachusetts filming a new movie, and Heather Denno brought her one-and-a-half-year-old son Jaxson to meet him, because the kid is a HUGE Iron Man fan.

 

 

Unfortunately, Jaxson didn’t realize he was just meeting Tony Stark . . . and the disappointment CRUSHED him. He started bawling right there in front of Downey . . . who had to talk him down. (People)

 

 

Apparently it worked. Heather says, quote, “He was fine as soon as he talked to him. [Jaxson] was so confused because I kept telling him it was Iron Man and he knew it wasn’t. Well, not Iron Man in the suit.”

 

 

 

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Do you have the right pillow?

Thursday, June 13th, 2013

Almost nobody does this, but you’re supposed to replace your pillows every 12 to 18 months, partly because they break down, and partly because . . . if you look at them under a microscope . . . they get SERIOUSLY gross.

 

 

And using an old pillow . . . or the wrong KIND of pillow . . . can cause headaches, shoulder and arm numbness, wheezing, snoring, or even a weakened immune system if you don’t get enough sleep.

 

 

So before you spend a ton of money on a new mattress, make sure your pillow isn’t the problem. Here’s what you should look for, according to how you sleep.

 

 

1. If you sleep on your stomach, you should be using a thin, flat pillow that doesn’t have much stuffing. Bigger pillows tend to make you sleep awkwardly on your neck.

 

 

If that STILL hurts your neck, and you’re thinking of buying a new bed, consider a firm mattress with a thin pillow top, so you can sleep on your stomach WITHOUT a pillow.

 

 

2. If you sleep on your back, you should probably be using a soft or medium-firm pillow that fills the space between the bed and your neck. Memory pillows work well too.

 

 

3. If you’re a side sleeper, look for an over-stuffed pillow that gives you even MORE support under your neck. They also prevent you from sleeping with all your weight on one shoulder. (ModernMan.com)

 

Get Dad a steak and a beer!

A HELL of a lot of people are going to be grilling this weekend, so hoard propane and grotesque amounts of meat while you can.

A new survey found 49% of people will GRILL on Father’s Day, which makes it the fourth-biggest grilling day of the year . . . behind Canada Day, Victoria Day and Labor Day.

It’s also the second-biggest day for giving grills or grilling accessories as gifts, behind Christmas.

Oooooouch!

In 2009, a 44-year-old truck driver named Daniel Metzgar from Newark, Delaware went to Dr. Thomas J. Desperito for PENILE ENHANCEMENT SURGERY. And it’s safe to say things didn’t work out like Daniel was planning.

Something was WRONG with the penile implant, and Daniel was left PERMANENTLY ENGORGED for eight straight months. He says it made it impossible for him to ride his motorcycle, or even do basic things like get the paper in the morning.

But for some reason, he never went back to the doctor . . . even after his scrotal region swelled up to the size of a VOLLEYBALL.

Then, the implant BROKE . . . and the tubing from it PIERCED his volleyball-sized man bag.

So he had MORE surgery, and needed prosthetics to fix all the damage. That left him FIFTY PERCENT SMALLER down there than before he started.

Now he’s suing Desperito for an undisclosed amount. Desperito’s attorneys say that sometimes bad surgical results aren’t the doctor’s fault . . . and Daniel should’ve known something was wrong when his scrotum swelled up.

 

Your boobs are fine leave them alone!

There’s a new company offering a product called the Wonderlift, which is a breast enlargement device for women who can’t go under the knife to get their breasts enhanced. The product is a pump that uses suction and vibration to supposedly make your breasts larger. Here’s a clip from a British show called “This Morning,” where a woman tries it out.
Your boss probably doesn’t like you

According to a new CareerBuilder survey, one in four bosses say they have an employee they wish would QUIT. Younger managers are more likely than older ones to want a problem employee to go away.

If any of these tactics sound familiar to you . . . you might be a problem employee. These are the most popular ways managers encourage employees to leave:

1. 42% of managers give a formal warning.

 

2. 27% point out their shortcomings frequently.

 

3. 21% cut their responsibilities.

 

4. 12% hire their eventual replacement.

 

5. 8% transfer them to another area.

 

6. 8% keep the employee out of the loop with company news.

 

7. 7% only use email to communicate, instead of talking to them.

 

8. 6% don’t invite them to meetings.

 

9. 3% shut them out of social gatherings.

 

But 32% of managers say they wouldn’t do ANY of those things to an employee

HollyWolf Report

 

–A 24-year-old model named LEYLA GHOBADI has come forward with allegations that she nailed KANYE WEST twice . . . WHILE he was with KIM KARDASHIAN. The last time was October, when Kim was already pregnant. Kanye’s rep calls the charges, quote, “totally without merit” and “a sad attempt to hurt two people trying to live their lives

 

–Former ROLLING STONES bassist BILL WYMAN says the band used to forge each other’s autographs when they were signing a lot of memorabilia. He says, quote, “It was the only way to do it, because you couldn’t pass this stuff around. You didn’t have time. You were onstage in 10 minutes.” (Here’s an interesting thought: Do you think there could’ve been some memorabilia that was trashed because it couldn’t be authenticated, because the signature APPEARED to be a forgery.)

 

 

(But actually, it WOULD be worth something because it was Mick Jagger signing his name AND everybody else’s? In fact, it might even make it worth MORE to have something that was “forged” by one of them?)

 

 

(And if the Stones were doing this, other bands probably were, too. What a nightmare that could be for handwriting experts.)

 

 

(By the way, in an interview with “Q” magazine, Mick Jagger talked about working out to stay in shape. He said, “I train five or six days a week, but I don’t go crazy.)

 

 

(“I alternate between gym work and dancing . . . then I do sprints, things like that. I’m training for stamina.” He does ballet to help his balance . . . and also studies yoga and pilates.

 

–BLACK SABBATH has never had a #1 album, but that should change next week. Their new album, “13″, is on pace to sell over 120,000 copies in its first week, which should make it a shoe-in to debut on top of the Billboard 200. QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE have earned their first #1 album with “. . . Like Clockwork” selling 91,000 copies in its first week of release. “Super Collider” from MEGADETH at #6 .

 

 

– KATE UPTON topless and barely covered? I’m in! (Egotastic)

 

–REESE WITHERSPOON had a Marilyn Monroe moment when the wind blew her skirt up. But at least she had a sense of humor about it. (Daily Mail)

 

FARRAH ABRAHAM says she’s been contacted by some A-list celebrities since her porno tape came out . . . including CHARLIE SHEEN

 

Other tidbits…

 

Man of Steel” comes out tomorrow. Superman is the perfect American hero for our time. Because he has super-hearing and can listen to all our phone calls at once.

 

In a recent interview, Kanye West said that he is “the Michael Jordan of music.” Actually, he’s the Michael Jordan (when he played baseball) of music.

 

A new app claims it can turn gay men straight. However, if you’re downloading it to a hot pink iPhone while driving your PT Cruiser and cranking the soundtrack to “Les Miz”, don’t waste your time.

 

 

Scientists discovered the portion of the brain that delays aging. By controlling it, they may someday create a world where nobody gets old. Or as CBS calls it, A DISASTER

 

There’s a new “pregnancy belt” for dads that replicates the baby’s kicks, in real time, from the mom’s belly. Or you can just go all the way and get him a vagina.

 

In the U-S The FAA dropped its plans to allow bats on planes. That’s ridiculous. You can’t do any damage with bats. Just look at the Jays.

 

According to a new study, girls with poor memories of their father tend to be sluttier than girls with fond memories of their father. This study was conducted at your neighborhood Spearmint Rhino

 

A new study has found that the faces on Lego characters are getting angrier. And another study shows that people are studying a lot of stupid stuff.

 

A 15-year-old Canadian boy is working on his PhD in Quantum Physics. When Chad was 15, he swallowed a balloon to see if he could inflate it from his bum. He couldn’t..

 

Win the day! Ballsy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A problem for big breasted women!

Wednesday, June 12th, 2013

The following is an email I received today and some of the reaction I got in the form of texts:

 

BALLSY, YOU’RE DOING AN AWESOME JOB THIS WEEK..THANKS FOR MAKING MY MORNING…LISTEN HERE’S A STORY TO TELL YOU’RE LISTENERS..I GOT MARRIED THIS PAST WINTER IN JAMAICA..WHEN YOU GET MARRIED THERE ARE A WHOLE BUNCH OF FIRSTS!! WELL MY NEW HUBBY AND I PLAYED GOLF TOGETHER FOR THE 1ST TIME..HALF WAY THRU THE ROUND I JUST DECIDED TO DRIVE THE CART, DRINK A BEER AND WATCH..I SAID I WAS TIRED BECAUSE HE WORE ME OUT FROM THE NIGHT BEFORE..BUT REALLY I QUIT BECAUSE MY BOOBS ARE TOO BIG AND I DIDN’T LIKE HOW IT FELT WHEN I SWUNG THE CLUB…PLEASE MAKE UP A NAME FOR ME IF YOU USE THIS STORY…

 

No problem Chesty I will protect your identity..But this email got me to thinking..what other activities can’t BIG BOOBED women do? Here’s what our listeners came up with….

Diving, speed skating, ice dancing..gymnastics, basketball, volleyball, yoga, running, and jumping jacks.lying flat on one’s back, putting your arms up comfortably..One woman said her boobs are so big she wishes that they were clip on..use em when you need them– like getting out of a ticket…lol..(nice visual)…

 

Prisoners make more than plates…

 

If your knowledge of prison comes from “Oz” and “Shawshank Redemption”, you probably think inmates have two career paths in prison . . . making license plates or working in the laundry room.

But it turns out inmates manufacture all KINDS of products. Here are 10 things that a prisoner MIGHT have made.

1. Victoria’s Secret and JC Penney started using inmates at a prison in South Carolina to sew their LINGERIE in the 1990s.

2. There are 36 different prisons around the U-S where inmates make BRAILLE BOOKS for the blind.

3. US  prisoners make HUMAN SILHOUETTE TARGETS that the FBI and Homeland Security use for target practice.

4. 4,000 inmates at Florida prisons learn woodworking and make PARK BENCHES and PICNIC TABLES.

5. US  prisoners make MILITARY UNIFORMS . . . including flak jackets, shoes, helmets, and body armor.

6. One of the few items that the government allows federal prisoners to make for PRIVATE companies are BASEBALL HATS.

7. 60 inmates in Colorado make fiberglass CANOES that sell for $1,500.

8. There’s a factory at a prison in Oregon that makes JEANS and other clothing.

9. Prisoners in Colorado train wild horses to prepare them for adoption, and prisoners in Maryland do the same thing for retired racehorses.

10. The prison in San Quentin, California has a gift shop where you can buy GREETING CARDS and other items made by inmates.

 

We are pathetic!

 

A new survey asked 2,000 adults between 18 and 65 to name the BARE NECESSITIES of modern life. And it’s good to see we have our priorities in order.

An Internet connection came in first . . . television came in second . . . and a good best friend came in fourth. Those all did better than a SOLID MARRIAGE, which only ranked ninth, below stuff like showers and central heating.

Here’s the full list, in order . . .

1. An internet connection.

2. Television.

3. Cuddling. Yep, seriously.

4. A trustworthy best friend.

5. Daily showers.

6. Central heating.

7. A cup of tea. (It’s a British survey. They ranked coffee 12th. Let’s assume if this was an American survey coffee would be up here and tea would be nowhere to be found. And AC might replace central heating.)

8. Saying “I love you” once in a while.

9. A solid marriage.

10. A car.

11. Glasses.

12. Coffee.

13. Chocolate.

14. A night in on the couch.

15. A glass of wine.

16. A good cry once in a while.

17. A big breakfast.

18. A nice vacation.

19. An iPhone.

20. Beer.

Win the Day! Ballsy

 

 

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Women you need 1 slutty friend..What? It’s true!

Tuesday, June 11th, 2013

A recent study at Cornell found that female college students tend to seek out female friends who DON’T sleep around . . . which isn’t surprising, since there’s still a stigma about women who are too “easy.”

But yesterday, the website Jezebel.com posted a list of reasons why, quote, “sluts make BETTER friends.” Obviously, everyone knows why MEN want to be friends with women who sleep around. So this list is specifically for WOMEN. See how many you agree with.

1. Slutty Friends Are More Fun. As in, they tend to be more outgoing NON-sexually as well. So they’re more likely to seek out EXCITING ways to have fun, rather than just shopping or watching TV.

2. They’re More Sympathetic. Which is probably a stretch. But they claim that women who sleep around know what it’s like to be judged and hated-on all the time. So when YOU’RE judged for something, they can relate.

3. They’re Tougher, Because They Have to Be. According to the site, quote, “When [stuff] goes down and you need someone to back you up, a slut knows the world is a hostile, indifferent place, and that people [have to] stick together.” (???)

4. They’re More Fashionable. Jezebel claims this one’s true because you HAVE to be fashionable if you want to sleep with a lot of guys. (???)

5. They Make Better Conversation. Which is just another way of saying they’re outgoing and probably not shy. Also, when you want to talk about something R-rated or X-rated, they won’t get embarrassed, and they’ll give better advice.

 

Are you stressed?…Maybe it’s because you don’t have a slutty friend…

If you’re too scared to go skydiving, here’s something that MIGHT make you feel like less of a coward. Driving during rush hour is JUST as badass.

A new study out of MIT found that driving in bad traffic causes the same stress in your body as jumping out of an airplane. We’re thinking it doesn’t quite give you the same adrenaline rush, of course . . . but all the stress is there.

For the study, the researchers measured people’s facial expressions, heart rate, and stress levels in different situations. Tough driving situations and extreme sports both led to the same facial expressions and reactions in the body.

In fact, on a day-to-day basis, driving is usually THE most stressful thing we do . . . more stressful than the average day of work.

The study also randomly found the least stressful thing we do on a day-to-day basis is eat breakfast.

 

Chad and Ballsy Videos of the Day…

An Elderly Toy Collector Shows Off His Toy Gun . . . and Doesn’t Realize It’s Actually a Sex Toy

 

 

Some old guy named Hendrik Ball has a YouTube channel where he shows off the strange stuff he’s collected over the years.

 

 

And his latest video features a bunch of toy guns.  But one of them isn’t actually a gun . . . it’s a SEX TOY that’s SHAPED like a gun.  And he has no idea.

 

 

He even shows how the barrel can either spin clockwise or counter-clockwise.  And the whole time he has it turned on, you can hear it vibrating.  Someone on YouTube pointed out the obvious, but it looks like Hendrik still doesn’t believe it.

 

 

He responded by explaining that he bought the gun at a regular toy store in the 80′s, and that, quote, “Sometimes a banana is just a banana.”  (Which is a reference to an old quote attributed to Sigmung Freud.)

 

 

(Search for “Stick ‘Em Up – Hendrik Ball.”  He talks about it from :13 to :37.) BTW..the guys isn’t related to me…

A Truck Hit a Moose and Caught Fire . . . and the Truck Happened to Be Hauling Fireworks

 

 

A truck caught fire after hitting a moose in Ontario on Friday night.  And the truck happened to be hauling FIREWORKS . . . which started going off and forced the road to be closed for over five hours.

 

 

There’s footage of the fireworks display online.  Both passengers were okay, but there’s no word on what happened to the moose.

 

 

(Search for “Transport Fire with Fireworks.”  They start going off at :08.)

 

COULD THE ANSWER BE . . . “C”???

 

 

 

According to a survey, the least popular thing to eat is:

 

A.)  Oysters.

B.)  Anchovies.

C.)  CATHERINE ZETA-JONES.

 

 

An asteroid recently buzzed the Earth.  Scientists say it was the size of:

 

A.)  A truck.

B.)  A skyscraper.

C.)  JUSTIN BIEBER’S SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT.

 

 

Al Gore says it’s obscenely outrageous that:

 

A.)  The NSA is collecting phone records.

B.)  Politicians are doing nothing to stop global warming.

C.)  YOU WON’T SHARE YOUR DONUT

 

Leonardo DiCaprio had sex with seven different women during:

 

A.)  The Cannes Film Festival.

B.)  The filming of “The Great Gatsby”.

C.)  LUNCH.

 

 

“A night when police don’t respond and criminals can do what they want” is a description of:

 

A.)  The plot of “The Purge”.

B.)  The story in a new Stephen King novel.

C.)  EVERY NIGHT IN Winnipeg.

 

Win the Day! Ballsy

 

 

 

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Women don’t need us men….

Monday, June 10th, 2013

Here are five new stats on women and their SELF-PLEASURING SECRETS. But don’t worry . . . nothing here explicitly says women don’t need YOU to provide two to seven minutes of pleasure. It just kinda hints at that.

1. Women hit their self-touching peak in their late 20s. That’s the only age group where more than half of women say they’ve had their way with themselves in the past month.

2. Around one in five women get-it-on with themselves at least a few times a month. About 4% of women do it daily or almost daily.

3. The most common reason women self-pleasure is they’re just in the mood. But 32% do it to cope with stress . . . and 20% do it to help fall asleep.

4. About one in eight women touch themselves during sex.

5. And the longer a woman has been in a relationship, the less likely she is to do it frequently.

But who will cut the grass and carry in the water softener salt?

 

Show Dad some love!

 

Father’s Day is this Sunday . . . but apparently not that many people know it. According to a new study, people are MUCH less invested in Father’s Day than Mother’s Day.

The study found that there are 215% more searches online for Mother’s Day gifts and gift ideas than for Father’s Day gifts and gift ideas.

So WHY do people put so much more effort into Mother’s Day than Father’s Day?

The top two answers are that mothers are, quote, “more deserving” of a big gift . . . and that fathers would be happier to settle for something smaller.

 

Are you worried yet?

 

Let’s start your week off right . . . by flooding your sweet, innocent mind with three new things to worry about.

 

 

1. Your colonoscopy scope isn’t clean. A new study has found that about three out of 20 gastrointestinal scopes are NOT PROPERLY CLEANED between patients. Translation: Other people’s poop particles get to mingle in your colon.

 

 

The people behind the study say this is a wake-up call to doctors and hospitals that they need to be MUCH more careful sterilizing their scopes . . . because dirty scopes aren’t just disgusting, they could get people sick too. (Medical Daily)

2. Giant mosquitoes are here. Back in March, there was word that a swarm of GIANT MOSQUITOES could be coming to Florida. And now, they’re here. Mega mosquitoes have been spotted in central Florida.

These mosquitoes are called gallinippers, they’re TWENTY TIMES the size of regular mosquitoes, and their bites HURT. (CBS 6 – Orlando)

3. And “crazy” ants are here too, chewing up your electronics. A species of ants nicknamed “CRAZY ANTS” are in the U.S. They’re mainly in Texas, Florida, Mississippi, and Louisiana.

These ants love the taste of ELECTRICAL EQUIPMENT. So they chew through wires, which kills them . . . but gives off a scent that attracts more of them for that suicide mission. You need to have them exterminated if they show up. They probably won’t get to Canada but watch out for the terrorist ants..

 

The water-cooler “wow” factor…

 

They held the Belmont Stakes over the weekend . . . which is the last of the three Triple Crown horse races, after the Kentucky Derby and Preakness. (Palace Malice won. Orb won the Derby, and Oxbow won the Preakness.)

 

 

But what if they broke the species barrier and let OTHER animals run in the Triple Crown races? Here’s how several zoologists and other animal experts said a mile-and-a-half race would turn out.

 

 

10th place: The CHEETAH would build a 950 foot lead in the first 20 seconds of the race, but he wouldn’t have the stamina to finish the mile-and-a-half . . . which is the length of a Triple Crown horse race.

 

 

9th place: The TORTOISE would finish in an hour and 34 minutes.

 

 

8th place: The SLOTH would finish in an hour and 29 minutes.

 

 

7th place: The LION would come out of the gate fast, like the cheetah . . . but after 200 feet, he’d get tired and kind of lazily make his way around the track and finish in a half hour.

 

 

6th place: The RHINOCEROS would finish in nine minutes and 30 seconds . . . which is probably faster than most of US would run it.

 

 

5th place: A HUMAN who was an Olympic runner could run it in five minutes and 45 seconds.

 

 

4th place: The GIRAFFE could finish in three minutes and 15 seconds. And since the top three places in a horse race are known as Win, Place, and Show . . .

 

Show: The AFRICAN WILD DOG would finish third, with a time of two minutes and 54 seconds.

 

 

Place: The RACEHORSE would come in second, at two and a half minutes.

 

 

Win: The PRONGHORN ANTELOPE would come in first, at a minute and 48 seconds.

 

Holly-Wolf report..

Reddit users have come up with their own list of the 100 hottest women in the world, and MILA KUNIS won by a landslide. She was followed by Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Lawrence, Olivia Wilde and Alison Brie. 6. Kate Beckinsale

 

 

7. Kate Upton

 

 

8. Emma Watson

 

 

9. Emma Stone

 

 

10. Jessica Alba

 

Why no Charlize Theron or VIVICA A FOX..HA SORRY I WATCHED ITALIAN JOB AND INDEPENDENCE DAY FOR THE 1ST TIME THIS WKND…

 

GERARD BUTLER cracked a walnut with his butt and poured ice cubes down his pants on a German TV show called “Wetten Dass”. (Check it out here.)

 

 

 

PETER MAYHEW . . . who played Chewbacca in the “Star Wars” movies . . . had his custom-made light saber cane confiscated by airport security in Denver. So he Tweeted about it and asked fans to re-Tweet his message. That apparently worked, because he got his cane back.

 

During his show in L.A. Thursday night, MARILYN MANSON dedicated the song “Disposable Teens” to PARIS JACKSON. That was the show Paris had a fit about not being able to attend the night that she tried to commit suicide. Manson also used a prop knife to simulate cutting his wrist, although we don’t know if that was a nod to Paris

 

In a blog post, former JOURNEY singer STEVE PERRY shares a story about how he fell in love with a random woman who was dying of cancer two years ago, and how he dated her until her death this past December. Plus, he also says he had his own cancer scare recently

 

METALLICA played its entire debut album “Kill ‘Em All” from beginning to end during a “surprise” afternoon performance on Saturday at their Orion Music and More festival in Detroit. A band called DeHaan was supposed to play . . . but that was a joke. It was actually Metallica using the last name of Dane DeHaan, an actor who appears in their upcoming 3D movie, “Metallica Through the Never“. Before the performance, singer JAMES HETFIELD posted this on Instagram: Quote, “Don’t miss Dehaan! . . . #UWillRegretMissingThem #IfUDoUMightKillEmAll #WinkWink #GetIt?” Metallica also closed out the festival last night.(You can find some videos from the show, here .

 

. KINGS OF LEON have announced that their next album is called “Mechanical Bull”, and it’ll be out on September 24th. They also debuted a new song during a performance over the weekend.

 

IAN ZIERING performed with the Chippendales in Vegas over the weekend, and BY THE HAMMER OF THOR, this man is still put together! Especially for a 49-year-old. (Daily Mail)

 

 

The Internet has blessed us with some pictures of “Dallas” stud JESSE METCALFE working with a boxing trainer, and I have two things to say. First of all, WOW. And second, if they ever need an actor to play a younger version of Wolverine, I found him. (Daily Mail)

 

KRISTIN CAVALLARI and Bears quarterback JAY CUTLER got married on Friday.

 

JOSE CANSECO has been cleared of rape allegations

 

The real ERIN BROCKOVICH was arrested for BOATING under the influence

 

 

Tidbits..

The new Black Sabbath album comes out tomorrow. Make sure you buy it, because it’s for a good cause. A dollar from every album sold goes to helping Ozzy find his pants.

 

 

Jay Cutler married Kristin Cavallari over the weekend:

 

. . . Enjoy the ceremony, Jay. Because that’s as close to a ring as you’re gonna get.

 

 

 

Your iPhone has 20 times more bacteria than your toilet. Scientists call it the best proof yet that Siri is a slut.

 

 

A 2,500-year-old mummy was removed from his casket to undergo cleaning and restoration at Massachusetts General Hospital. But unlike the other old men getting bathed at the hospital, the mummy tried just once to honk the nurse’s boob.

 

A technician at a Ford dealership in Massachusetts was arrested for pleasuring himself inside a customer’s car on his break. Don’t know what kind of car it was, but for the sake of irony . . . I hope he was inside an “Escort

 

 

President Obama met with the President of China for more than eight hours over the weekend. Obama didn’t really want to meet for so long, but you have to say yes when your boss wants you to come into the office on the weekend.

 

 

Vladimir Putin and his wife of 30 years are divorcing. Despite the split, she has nothing bad to say about Putin . . . because if she did, he’d have her poisoned.

 

Win the Day…Ballsy

 

 

 

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A creepy PSA and a Roger Rabbit gets a bath…

Friday, June 7th, 2013

If you’ve never seen it, there’s a great 1970′s PSA on SELF-PLEASURE you should check out called “Caught in the Act.”

It features a kid named Ricky going at it with himself under his sheets. Then his mom walks in, and she’s EXTREMELY understanding about it . . . and also extremely creepy. (Search for “Caught in the Act PSA.”)

 

4. Is This Rabbit Super Chilled Out, or It This the Scariest Moment of Its Life?

There’s a great video on YouTube of a rabbit getting a bath in the bathroom sink . . . and looking about as relaxed as a rabbit can get.

The thing’s on its back, seemingly passed out, with its head propped up on one end of the sink, and its feet on the other. And it looks like it’s seriously enjoying the high point in its species history.

But some people on Reddit have correctly pointed out that being on their back is actually a STRESSFUL position for rabbits. And the video might show one of the more TERRIFYING moments of its life.

It’s sometimes referred to as a “rabbit trance,” but they’re essentially playing dead. (Search for “Bunny Gets a Shower.” And speaking of playing dead, check out a video of an overdramatic dog playing dead when its owner yells “bang.”)

 

Tidbits from around the World..

–On Wednesday, the 84-year-old woman in Florida who won the giant Powerball jackpot finally came forward . . . and said she only got the winning ticket because another woman let her CUT in line. Well, now THAT woman has come forward. She’s a 34-year-old mother, and says she has NO REGRETS . . . even if it cost her hundreds of millions of dollars.

 

–In Texas, a 30-year-old was just ACQUITTED of murder charges for killing a prostitute . . . because he paid her $150 and she didn’t have sex with him. Under Texas law, it’s legal to, quote, “use deadly force to recover property during a nighttime theft.” So when he shot the prostitute, apparently it fell under that law. He was facing life in prison if he’d been convicted.

 

–According to a study by a dating website, San Francisco is the most romantic city in America . . . because that’s where the site’s members have booked the most trips for the summer. New York is in second place, followed by Miami and Las Vegas.

 

–For the past few years, an unregistered sex offender in Oklahoma has been avoiding the cops thanks to a DISGUISE. Turns out the guy has been wearing a long black WIG and thick penciled-in EYEBROWS . . . but still has a mustache. On Wednesday, the cops finally found him and arrested him

 

–Last summer, a 29-year-old man in Wisconsin had a sexual relationship with a 17-year-old girl. After he threatened her, she went to the cops, and he was arrested for sex with a minor. And at his trial, the girl testified he had a tattoo on his stomach, of a finger pointing to his junk with the words, quote, “I’M WITH STUPID.” He got one year in jail.

–In Tennessee, there’s a 33-year-old man who has TWENTY-TWO KIDS with FOURTEEN different women. They just took him to court for child support. He says he’s not sure how he’d pay but his plan is, quote, “play the hell out of the Tennessee lottery.” And maybe land a job with the Memphis Grizzlies of the NBA..

–Earlier this week, a 22-year-old man in Florida went to his girlfriend’s to PROPOSE in the middle of the night. And for some reason, he decided to do it FULLY NAKED. Unfortunately he went to the wrong house . . . and the people there called the cops. The 22-year-old spat on one cop and was arrested.

–A school district in South Carolina said that prayer at high school graduations should be replaced with a moment of silence . . . so the valedictorian at one school ripped up his speech, talked about his religious upbringing, and recited the Lord’s Prayer instead

–A guy in the UK got his first metal detector . . . and in 20 minutes found $150,000 worth of ancient Roman coins.

 

Weekend Worries…

Let’s kick off this weekend right . . . by giving you a bunch of stuff to worry about that you never even considered before.

 

1. In seven years, half of us will have cancer. According to a new study, by the year 2020 . . . which is only seven years away . . . HALF of all people will be diagnosed with cancer at some point in their lives. One third of people will survive it. (The Guardian)

 

2. Your bra is causing indigestion? By now, you’ve probably heard that most women wear bras that don’t fit them properly.

Well . . . by doing that, it turns out your bra can cause rashes, tendonitis, or even INDIGESTION from screwing up your posture. (Daily Mail)

3. A kid drowning doesn’t look like he’s drowning. When you think of a kid drowning, you think of yelling and flailing arms and panic. That’s NOT true. A new article has the REAL signs of someone drowning.

Turns out they can’t call for help because their respiratory system is struggling AND they can’t wave their arms. The big signs would be their head low in the water, tilted back, with their eyes closed, possibly hyperventilating. (Slate)

 

Foods we hate…(Africa says quit whining)

 

A new survey asked people to name their LEAST favorite food . . . and OYSTERS came in number one. 47% of people surveyed said they don’t like oysters.

So there are still billions of people in the world starving and praying for food every day, and you’re too good to eat something that’s expensive AND makes you horny? For SHAME.

Liver finished second on the list. Really? When’s the last time you even had the OPTION to eat liver? Apparently they surveyed stereotypical kids from 1987.

Other foods that made the list include anchovies, tofu, sushi, bleu cheese, olives, and licorice.

And 5% of people said there aren’t ANY foods they dislike

 

Or you could eat bugs….

 

We have some news that’s going to ruin your Friday: You probably ate bugs this morning . . . and you’ll almost definitely eat more today.

According to estimates by “Scientific American”, you eat up to two POUNDS of bugs and bug parts a year without knowing it. That’s because bugs get into everything you eat.

In the States, the  FDA knows that it’s impossible to produce bug-free food, and they have guidelines of just how many bugs can be in different products.

For instance, in canned and frozen berries, there can be four insect larvae or 10 adults in every 500 grams . . . which is 1.1 pounds. And that doesn’t count LITTLE bugs like aphids or mites.

Ground cinnamon can have 400 bug parts and 11 rodent hairs in every 50 grams . . . which is about two ounces. And 50 grams of chocolate can have 30 bug parts.

 

Hops . . . which is used to make beer . . . can have 2,500 aphids in every 10 grams. That’s about five percent of its total weight.

Holly-Wolf Report…

You can now add DRAKE to the list of people AMANDA BYNES considers UGLY. Yesterday she Tweeted, quote, “Drake has the ugliest smile, ugly gums uneven teeth ugly eyes.” However it wasn’t long ago that Amanda was expressing her desire for Drake to, quote, “murder my vagina

 

Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson’s Google comedy “The Internship” is up against the Ethan Hawke thriller “The Purge” this week. That’s the movie where murder is legal for one night a year.

 

 

“The Purge” is out today. In “The Purge”, the U.S. government approves a day of lawlessness so Americans can blow off steam. I find it farfetched that the federal government would ever let people break the laws and target other U.S. citizens. You know, since that’s the job of the IRS.

 

 

 

Forbes.com has put together a list of the Worst Superhero Sequels of All Time. They put the 1989 cult classic “The Return of Swamp Thing” in the top spot. The rest of the list includes “Batman and Robin”, “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3″ and the third and fourth CHRISTOPHER REEVE “Superman” movies.

 

The Netherlands recently launched a remake of “Golden Girls”. The show’s opening sequence has been making the rounds online . . . and that’s because it’s AWESOME. Like the original, the theme song is “Thank You for Being a Friend”.

 

Check out CINDY CRAWFORD’S very first modeling shot: It’s a bikini photo from when she was 16. (Daily Mail)

 

 

We haven’t taken a long, loving look at KATE UPTON’S cleavage in a while, so let’s do that. She seriously flirted with a wardrobe malfunction while bouncing up and down on the set of the movie “The Other Woman”. (Daily Mail)

 

As we all know, STEVEN SEAGAL is as big a deal in Russia as DENNIS RODMAN is in North Korea. And to prove it, Seagal did some traditional Chechen dancing during his most recent trip. (This is pretty awesome. Check it out here.)

 

 

The Netherlands recently launched a remake of “Golden Girls”. The show’s opening sequence has been making the rounds online . . . and that’s because it’s AWESOME.

 

 

The Dutch show is also called “Golden Girls”, and like the original, the theme song is “Thank You for Being a Friend” . . . but since it’s not in English, it’s unclear if the words are the same. (They probably are . . . not that it matters.)

 

 

(You can find the opening sequence on YouTube. And here’s a complete episode. If you’re a “Golden Girls” nut, it’s the Dutch spin on the episode where Blanche thinks she’s pregnant because she’s going through menopause.)

 

Check out what some of the sets from the original “Star Wars” in Tunisia look like today. (Full Story)

 

Google claims it can predict a movie’s box office success with 94% accuracy. (Full Story)

 

Water cooler one-liners..

Leonardo DiCaprio had sex with seven different women during the Cannes Film Festival. We await the announcement of his throat cancer.

 

 

Will Smith says he’s ready to stop doing blockbuster movies. Ready? I think he already started.

 

 

Nine Inch Nails has just released a new single. And if you’re excited about that news, you probably found out about it by checking your email on AOL while watching VHS tapes of “Melrose Place” in your Doc Martins.

 

 

Joan Rivers turns 80 tomorrow. This woman is amazing. She never stops working. And neither does her plastic surgeon.

 

 

Johnny Depp turns 50 on Sunday. He doesn’t know what he’s wearing to his birthday celebration, because Tim Burton hasn’t told him yet.

 

 

Donald Duck turns 79 on Sunday. Donald is known for his duck face, being hard to understand and not always wearing pants. Oh wait, I was thinking of Amanda Bynes.

 

 

The world’s oldest known cancerous tumor was found in the remains of a Neanderthal who lived more than 120,000 years ago. Scientists believe he was performing oral sex on an early ancestor of Catherine Zeta-Jones.

 

The Pope says that wasting food is like stealing from the poor. Which makes Oprah– Mother Teresa.

Win the Day! Ballsy

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