Chad & Ballsy in the Morning

I don’t about you but I hope this Ground Hog’s day the furry little tells us we are getting a few more weeks of this winter..unbelievable weather!! and I hope the Rider Gopher from Park Beg tells us we get 6 months of good football this year…I wonder if Ron Jeremy will see his junk? Oh, wait. That’s Hedgehog Day.

And because it’s Groundhog Day, you might want to get a jump on your spring cleaning, here’s a list of five cleaning tips you’ve never heard before, according to “Reader’s Digest”.

#1.) Use Coffee Filters Instead of Paper Towels to Clean Your Windows. Paper towels can leave streaks and lint on the glass. Coffee filters won’t, and they’re just as cheap.

#2.) Clean Your Microwave with a Cup of Water and Baking Soda. Just mix it together, and microwave it until it starts boiling. It’ll get rid of any weird smell that’s been lingering, and also make it easier to wipe down the inside.

–Use a coffee cup so you have a handle to grab when you take it out.

#3.) Use Dryer Sheets to Clean Your Window Blinds. It creates an anti-static barrier that helps prevent dust from building up again.

#4.) To Clean Your Oven, Use a Wet Pumice Stone. Obviously, that’s for REALLY tough, blackened build-up. You don’t want to scratch anything. According to “Reader’s Digest”, it works better than anything you can buy in a spray bottle.

#5.) Use a Denture Tablet to Clean Your Toilet. Just drop one in and leave it for at least 30 minutes. Or overnight if it’s REALLY bad. After it dissolves, any stains on the inside of the bowl should come off easily with a toilet brush.

and with that in mind listen to this

According to a new survey, one of the main reasons women take the lead on cleaning is . . . they don’t trust men to do it right. That’s some serious rewarding of incompetence right there. The survey found 38% of women say they won’t let their husband clean the house, because he can’t be trusted to do a good enough job. 58% of women believe it’s their “job” to clean.

Well this kinda ruins the fantasy about what goes on behind closed doors in the women’s locker room. Turns out it’s NOT just a sea of nude women stealing glances at each other’s luscious bodies. Who knew?

 –According to a new survey by “Fitness” magazine, only 9% of women say they walk around the locker room naked. Men are THREE TIMES more likely to walk around nude in the locker room, at 27%.

 –The survey also found that almost two-thirdsof Americans say they regularly walk around the house naked. 

–Women say their most disliked body part is their thighs, the most liked part is their cleavage.

–Just under half of women say they feel sexier in lingerie than being naked. Just over half of men say women are sexier in lingerie than naked.

Hotels.com did a survey on vacation sex, and the results aren’t really a surprise: Men and women have different expectations when it comes to having relations while on vacation.

 –40% of men want to have sex every day while on vacation. Only 31% of women said that.

 –41% of women said they’d rather have sex “a few times” throughout the vacation.

 –BUT . . . more women than men prefer to have sex MORE THAN ONCE a day: 24% of women were up for two sessions a day, while only 18% of men were.

 –Men and women also disagree on the best location for vacation sex. The place men most want to have hotel sex is the Jacuzzi or pool. Women prefer the bed.

and lets wrap up this blog with some cheesy humour….

–Kim Kardashian wants to start a Bible study group with her friends. But remember, to Kim and all her friends, the Bible is “Cosmo”.
 

-A Katy Perry 3D concert movie is in the works . . .

. . . Good.  If there’s one thing Katy Perry needs, it’s MORE help popping out at people.

. . . It’ll be called “You Might Poke an Eye Out With Those Things”.

–Country singer Vince Gill has been made an honorary narcotics officer. Which means the tour with Willie Nelson is off.

–Insiders say Demi Moore has been mixing pills with Red Bull. In other words, she’s a radio personality.

–Facebook has filed for an initial public offering that could value the company at $75 billion to $100 billion. This probably explains why Mark Zuckerberg updated his Facebook page to show that he is now engaged to a huge pile of money.

Only 8% of women want lingerie for Valentine’s Day.  Man, I sure hope my wife is in that 8% because I bought this skimpy, red teddy that I can’t wait to put on for her.

Have an awesome day! Ballsy

Did you hear about this story in Ontario….

An Ontario town is still waffling over whether a man who died suddenly, leaving the bathroom faucet running, should get a break on his water bill.

Allister MacPherson died at his home in Port Colborne, Ont., Sept. 28. The water remained flowing for three weeks before his body was discovered by family members.

Now his family is asking the town to forgive the $600 bill.

But town council is still mulling it over after its services director said policy is policy and the bill needs to be paid.

Peter Senese, the city’s director of community and corporate services, said waiving the cost would mean the expense would fall back to the city, and ultimately the other taxpayers.

Mayor Vance Badawe shot back at the family, asking if they are approaching other service providers – such as the hydro and gas companies – looking for breaks as well, and what they might have ruled.

How rich are this year’s potential presidential candidates? Let’s just say the poorest two are still millionaires. Mitt Romney has anywhere between $85 million and $264 million . . . Barack Obama has $2.8 million to $11.8 million depending on book sales . . . and both Rick Santorum and Rick Perry come in a little over $1 million

Here’s THE GOOD NEWS for today: A seven-year-old boy in Alabama was born with no legs and only one arm. But that hasn’t stopped him from joining a swim team and racing competitively. He’s finished as high as second in some races, and he’s now a finalist for the Outstanding Youth award in Examiner.com’s America Inspired contest. So stop moping and get out there and seize the day!!

Now for some not so good news…

Last week in North Carolina, police arrested a man with an outstanding murder warrant. Once he was in jail, a gun turned up in his cell. And they believe he smuggled it in . . . inside his RECTUM. The gun was TEN INCHES LONG and he shoved it up there. Wisely, it was UNLOADED . . . he was taken to the hospital to see if he suffered any injuries from smuggling the gun like that.

A high school volleyball coach in Seattle had a slumber party for her team . . . and her husband was arrested for setting up a hidden camera in the bathroom.

Apparently, using Facebook’s ‘create an ad’ targeting feature, you can find out how many people in various organizations engage in certain lifestyles. For example, 40 of Facebook’s 3,000 employees like kinky sex. Facebook..I still haven’t bought in and I’m happy about that…

Remember when we only thought we had four taste buds . . . sweet, sour, salt, and bitter? Then it turned out we had a fifth one that tasted savory flavors? Now it turns out we’ve got a SIXTH type of taste bud . . . that tastes FAT.

This guy TOTALLY deserves this payday. In 2007, a 23-year-old in California got into a crash when a van cut off his motorcycle. He suffered a pelvis injury that actually SHORTENED HIS PENIS by an inch-and-a-half. Last week, a jury awarded him $7.5 MILLION in damages . . . that’s $5 MILLION per lost inch. I should sue my parents!!

So you think KATE GOSSELIN is over? Not yet. Kate is headlining a Caribbean cruise in August, and it’s selling BIG TIME. The company that’s running the cruise says people are paying between $1,575 to $5,500 PER PERSON for a spot. Wow people really are dumb?

and time now for some one-liners….

-While presenting the Best Actress award with Kate Beckinsale, Seth Rogen said he was hiding “a massive erection.” Things got even more awkward when Chaz Bono immediately stood up and said, “I’ll give you $10,000 for it!”

–Salma Hayek presented the award for Best TV Comedy to “Modern Family”. Then the stage collapsed under the weight of Salma and Sofia Vergara’s boobs.

–Madonna beat out Elton John for Best Song from a Motion Picture. It marked the first time Madonna has ever pissed off a gay guy..

–Heather Locklear’s family wants her to reenter a rehab facility for drug and alcohol addiction. Not to say this is an ongoing issue, but the facility is called The Heather Locklear Recovery Center for Drugs and Alcohol.

–Beyoncé spent $3,500 on a crib . . .

 . So in your face, homeless people!

 . . So, suck one, Africa!

-Miss Wisconsin was crowned as the newest Miss America. For her talent she juggled cheese while drinking gravy.

Have a great Monday..Winter is finally here..stay warm..brrrrr.. Ballsy

Yesterday, at 3:00 A.M. in Iowa, a man robbed an adult store at knifepoint. And he didn’t want money, he just wanted one thing. A $250, 20-POUND love toy called the Mega Masturbator. It’s an authentic replica of a woman’s buttocks, complete with orifices. The police are searching for him . . . although we assume he’s locked in his mother’s basement and rather busy right now.

Chalk one up for MORNING SEX. According to a new study, the best time to have relations is 7:30 A.M. . . . RIGHT after you wake up. That’s when your body produces a surge of sex hormones and adrenaline. Your senses are heightened, everything feels better . . . and you’re most likely to both reach your happy place!!

Over the summer, there were rumors that ALEX RODRIGUEZ was bugging CAMERON DIAZ to get breast implants. When they split up for a while, it was even suggested that she was mad at him over it.

–But A-Rod may have won out. Because not only are they back together, but Cameron was photographed in a bikini in Hawaii recently, and she DEFINITELY looks like she’s got more happening up top.

 (–It’s been speculated that A-Rod was behind KATE HUDSON’S alleged  breast implants) by the way you can check out Cameron’s new balcony by googling Cameron Diaz Daily Mail…but remember not too much googling!!)

WERE YOU LATE FOR WORK TODAY?

16% of people admit they’re late to work at least once a week, and one in four people are late once a month. CareerBuilder looked at the top excuses employees give: One in three blame bad traffic . . . 18% use oversleeping as an excuse . . . 11% say bad weather . . . and 8% blame taking the kids to school or daycare. They also found that 34% of bosses have fired people for lateness..…A few of the highlights: “I had a job interview with another company” . . . “I think my commute time should count as work hours” . . . “A fox stole my keys” . . . “I thought I’d won the lottery” . . . and “My cat had the hiccups

Speaking of lying…Have you noticed yourself LYING a lot in the past few weeks? Well hey, you’re not a bad person if EVERYBODY’S doing it. A new survey found January is the biggest month for lying . . . we average seven lies a day versus four lies a day in other months. The reason: In January we lie about Christmas . . . what we spent, what we did, and more. AND we lie about how our resolutions are going.

And time now for News of the Future…

–In one month and one day: You’ll be standing in front of a nearly empty Valentine’s display, wondering which of the last, tattered passed-over cards is most likely to still get you any action.

–Five months from now: Rumors that Khloe Kardashian has a different dad than her sisters will intensify after she’s spotted buying a Father’s Day card for Lou Ferrigno.

On this day in the year 2014: After the profession suffers yet another death, “Iranian nuclear scientist” will replace “Arnold Schwarzenegger maid” as the world’s most dangerous occupation.

Hey have a great weekend!!!Ballsy…

–Lennon’s handwritten lyrics to the BEATLES’ classic, “A Day in the Life”, sold for $1.2 million. Even his tooth recently sold for $31,200.

–Now, GottaHaveRockAndRoll.com is auctioning off a random “to-do” list that Lennon wrote. The list is pretty boring . . . or as the seller describes it: Quote, “An amazing look into the ‘everyday-ness’ of one of rock ‘n’ roll’s most important icons!” (???)

–Here are a few of the things on the list:

–”HBO guy coming between 3:00-5:00. BE THERE. (The other guy didn’t know what was wrong.)”

 -”Marmalade.”

 –”Would it be a good idea to make sure BOTH CARS have full gas tanks?”

 -”Hook on door in our bathroom is falling off.”

 –”Tell me about my hair dryer . . . yea or nay.”

 –The list was written for Lennon’s personal assistant. Otherwise, that one about the hair dryer would seem a little schizophrenic . . . although either way it’s pretty bizarre.

 –The note is dated May 22nd, but the year is unknown. Man people need to get a life….

If you wanted to buy everything from “The 12 Days of Christmas”, it would cost you $101,119.84 this year . . . the first time it’s ever been six figures. Prices are up big on partridges, turtle doves, and swans . . . and the only thing that went down in cost was calling birds. Or you could wait till midnight with a can of pepper spray and take it all for what 5 bucks….hahaha

I don’t know if I believe this but here it is anyway; The “National Enquirer” claims JUSTIN BIEBER’S mom, Pattie Mallette, has punished Justin for splurging on a $160,000 souped-up Range Rover.

 –Justin already owns at least two vehicles: A Ferrari and a custom Cadillac BATMOBILE.

 –A so-called “source” says, quote, “Pattie blew a gasket when she learned about Justin’s wild spending spree. As a result, she is forbidding him from driving until he turns 18, unless he’s accompanied by an adult chaperon.

 –”[She's] trying to get Justin’s wild spending under control.”

 –Justin turns 18 on March 1st.

 (–Three months ago, Justin got in a minor car accident after street racing Everlast from House of Pain in his Ferrari . . . and last month, he was pulled over for cutting off a motorcycle cop in his Batmobile.)

 (–Forget the spending . . . Justin is making BANK . . . Justin’s mom should ground him for driving recklessly. At this point, that’s much more dangerous than him dropping 160 Gs.)

 (–By the way, if Justin DOES end up being the father of that kid . . . that’s one thing his mom can’t punish him for. That’s because she had Justin when she was 18 . . . and that ended up working out pretty well for her.)

A survey by Brawny paper towels found that the holidays nearly triple the amount of time women need to spend cleaning the house. During a normal week, women spend 116 minutes cleaning. When she hosts a holiday get-together, she spends ANOTHER 115 minutes cleaning to get ready, and an additional 85 minutes cleaning up after everyone leaves.

According to a new Gallup poll, the average North America is nearly 20 pounds heavier than they were in 1990. The average man has gone from 180 pounds to 196, while women went from 142 to 160. Even our “goal weight” has gone up over the last 20 years, by about ten pounds. Despite that, 56% of us think our weight is currently “just right.”

A new study has proven that men DON’T actually think about sex every seven seconds like the myth says. Researchers found that men think about sex an average of 19 times a day . . . so a little over once per hour they’re awake. Women think about sex 10 times a day.

According to a new survey, 64% of expectant parents, or about two-thirds, now say they GOOGLE a name before they give it to their child . . . to make sure it doesn’t belong to a stripper, serial killer, porn star, or sex offender. Parents also use Google if they want to make sure they’re giving their child a UNIQUE name..Did you ever notice The more popular you are and/or the hotter you are the public lets you get away with calling your kid a dumb name like “lint trap”

Christmas is going to be AWKWARD for this family. In Virginia, a 40-year-old man was arrested yesterday for secretly filming a woman in the bathroom. That woman was . . . his MOTHER-IN-LAW. He filmed her through a hole from the garage to the bathroom. His wife found the video of her mom in the bathroom on his cell phone and turned him in to the cops.

On Sunday afternoon, in Connecticut, a 55-year-old woman was shopping at a craft fair and ended up getting into an argument with a vendor over whether she’d stolen something. It escalated, and she ended up grabbing a seashell Christmas ornament . . . and STABBING HIM with it in the arm. He needed surgery but survived . . . she’s been hit with several felony charges.

Sitting at a computer all day is bad for your health . . . so some companies are installing treadmill desks. They go at a steady two-to-three-miles-an-hour while you work, but you can adjust the incline for more of a challenge.

The key to a strong relationship is . . . open infidelity? A 44-year-old female author in Australia thinks so. She says that negotiated infidelity is a good way to even things up when partners have different sex drives, and it will help make sure you don’t take each other for granted.

And now some one liners to wrap up this blog post:

The Kardashian sisters released their first novel . . .

 You can find it at your local bookstore in the section marked “You Are an Idiot.”

- Not to say it’s bad, but when I tried to download it, my Kindle told me to just go ahead and die.

Paris Hilton is shooting a new bikini calendar. If you buy it, you’ll get to enjoy 12 stunning photos, and 50 herpes simplexes.

  Hilton bought a $300,000 Ferrari on Black Friday. It just goes to show you that hard work and being a classy person doesn’t really count for anything.

A Texas woman built a replica of a house from the “Harry Potter” films for her cat.  She calls it a fun new way to tell others she’s sad and lonely.

A Vermont hunter fatally shot a companion by accident while deer hunting, then shot himself because he was so distraught. All in all, it was a good day for the deer.

Yesterday was Cyber Monday . . . 

Unfortunately, the day did turn ugly when one woman pepper sprayed her own computer.

On Monday, Pakistan banned the use of 1,700 words and phrases in text messages. Under government order, all telecom companies must have filtering software to block messages that contain the offensive words.

And the list of phrases is RANDOM: Some of it covers sex and drinking, like “harem” . . . “harder” . . . “quickie” . . . “Penthouse” . . . “black out” . . . and “drunk”.

–Then it starts to get weird: “flatulence” . . . “Jesus Christ” . . . “Satan” . . . “athlete’s foot” . . . “monkey crotch” . . . “glazed donut” . . . and “flogging the dolphin“.

–And where did Pakistan go to come up with their list of decadent Western phrases? The NFL.

–NFL.com allows fans to order personalized jerseys, so they can put their own name on the back instead of a player’s name . . . and 1,100 of the words on Pakistan’s banned list are straight from NFL.com’s list of phrases you CAN’T put on a jersey.

Speaking of football Riders G-M Brendan Taman is on with us this morning to talk about the Grey Cup…

In other news…. 

A new poll out of England figured out the five most common types of awful bosses. Bosses who mindlessly stick to the rules are number one . . . egomaniacs are two . . . creative, dreamer types who hate executing ideas are three . . . bosses with volatile mood swings are four . . . and uncaring, withdrawn bosses are number five.

 Here’s another reminder of how much simpler things were when we were kids. Last week at an elementary school in Florida, an assistant principal called the cops after she saw a young girl KISS a young boy. She reported possible SEXUAL ABUSE. The cop ended up investigating and no charges were filed.

  In Australia, as a marketing stunt, a day spa gave a makeover to . . . a CROCODILE. They painted her nails, exfoliated her skin . . . and gave her a bikini wax. Yes, crocodiles DO have some hair down there. Somehow, none of the workers were bitten during the process.

 According to an analysis by USC’s school of communication and journalism, male characters get two thirds of the speaking parts in the top-grossing movies. Female characters show more skin, though. One in four wear sexy clothes, compared to one in 20 male characters. Almost as many female characters also showed partial nudity, compared to one in eight men.

There’s a “Rocky” Musical in the Works:

 We criticize the film industry all the time for lacking originality, but what about Broadway? It seems like there’s at least one show per year that’s based on a movie. And that trend isn’t likely to reverse itself anytime soon.

 –SYLVESTER STALLONE is teaming up with real-life boxing brothers WLADIMIR and VITALI KLITSCHKO to produce “Rocky: The Musical”.

 –Budgeted at $15 million, the show will debut in Germany next November . . . and Stallone will bring it to America sometime after that.

JUSTIN BIEBER is still wearing droopy drawers. And on Monday, during an outing with SELENA GOMEZin L.A., they drooped low enough to reveal PINK UNDIES. 

 Justin Bieber took a DNA test last Friday . . .

. . . It’s not good either. Turns out he fathered the worst music of 2011.

Even though ASHTON KUTCHER nailed a girl less than half DEMI MOORE’S age on their anniversary, he didn’t want to lose her.

–Sources say Ashton was so desperate to keep Demi that he bought her a 2012 Lexus LS 600h L earlier this month. It’s a top-of-the-line hybrid, and it set him back more than $100,000.

 –Obviously, it didn’t work. There’s no word if Demi kept the car anyway

At Demi’s age, a Rascal Scooter would have worked better.

and Unfortunately for Ashton, it still had that “new girlfriend smell.”

Oprah Winfrey will host a new primetime series called “Oprah’s Next Chapter”. How bad is the economy that even Oprah can’t retire?

-Rihanna says she wants a man who’s “aggressive but mysterious.” So if you consider yourself a cross between Chris Brown and David Copperfield, get in line.

-Christina Aguilera was spotted in Hollywood wearing tight leggings. In a related story, the fashion world is now in the midst of a devastating Spandex shortage.

–A British bookmaker has published odds on who will play the lead in a new film about Michael Jackson. The early favorite? You guessed it: Meg Ryan.

Victoria Beckham said she wants to help women feel empowered. Then she put on a ridiculously short skirt, got a new set of breast implants and resumed not eating lunch.

-A study finds that women are better than men at resisting infection.  The evidence:  Snooki’s still alive.

George Clooney told Rolling Stone magazine that he turned in his V-card at 16, which he calls, quote, “Young, very young, too young.” But his first orgasm happened A LOT earlier . . . and in a really unexpected place.

–He says, quote, “I believe it was while climbing a rope when I was six or seven years old. I mean, nothing came out, but all the other elements were there.

–”I remember getting to the top of the rope, hanging off the rope, and going, ‘Oh, my God, this feels great!’”

Let’s get a little R-rated here. Your first time with a partner . . . and your first time WITHOUT. Let’s hear some stories.)

–Elsewhere in the interview, George calls flatulence, quote, “One of the funniest things in the history of mankind.”

-He adds, quote, “Even the idea of a fart makes me laugh. Saying the word ‘fart’ makes me laugh. I have iFart on my phone. I have remote whoopee cushions. Farts. To me, there’s nothing funnier

This takes risky self-pleasuring to a whole new level. Last week, in Croatia, a 50-year-old man was, quote, “experimenting in a sex game” where he took a LIVE, four-and-a-half inch anti-aircraft shell and shoved it up his no-go-hole. It got STUCK. Luckily for him, doctors were able to remove it very delicately.

David Hasselhoff Is Older Than His Girlfriend’s Mother:

It’s still good to be the Hoff. DAVID HASSELHOFF is 59 years old, and his girlfriend, Hayley Roberts, is 29. Not only is she almost half his age, but David is older than her mother.

 –Mom says, quote, “At first I found the age difference difficult. He’s older than me but when you see them together they just get on really well so I don’t worry so much now.”

Radio Shack came up with a list of six etiquette mistakes people make around the holidays. Forgetting to send thank-you notes is number one, followed by not sending holiday cards. People also forget to buy batteries when they give an electronic gift, and serve canned cranberry sauce instead of making it fresh. Why is Radio Shack doing this survey?

Ready to want to KILL YOURSELF because you were single in the wrong era? According to a new poll, 34% of single women today say they have, or have had, a male “friend with benefits” . . . a guy they have no-strings-attached sex with. And only 8% were secretly hoping it would turn into an actual relationship..

Eddie Murphy has pulled out as host of the Oscars . . .

With the departure of Eddie Murphy, Oscar producers are scrambling to find another black celebrity who was once hugely popular, but hasn’t been relevant in years. They’re leaning towards President Obama.

–Dr. Conrad Murray was reportedly placed on suicide watch in prison. Officials are trying to keep him alive by keeping him away from Dr. Conrad Murray.

–Michael Jackson’s executors claim NBC is “Morally Culpable” for airing the Conrad Murray documentary. Yes, it’s important to protect the “morals” of a man who palled around with a chimp, slept with children, and owned the Elephant Man’s bones.

–E! may cancel Kim Kardashian’s reality show.  Kim vows to do all she can to avoid that.  But remember, “vows” aren’t exactly her strong suit.

 Researchers say people who suddenly start losing weight while in steady relationships are preparing to dump their other halves. See, honey, this stuff hanging off me isn’t neck fat. They’re “commitment rolls.”

And locally best of luck to Riffel and ONeill as they represent Regina this weekend in the Provincial High School Football Championships! Have a great day…Ballsy…

You read the heading and you’re thinking what the hell is that? Well Wolf Pack read on..read on…

One in four women say their mother-in-law is a “frenemy” . . . the annoying made-up word that means half-friend, half enemy. One in eight say their mother-in-law is an outright enemy. Half of women complain that their mother-in-law doesn’t treat them with respect, and nearly as many say that their mother-in-law criticizes them during mother-son time. Nearly two in three mothers-in-law take the high road and say they think of their daughter-in-law as their own child.

Now THIS is instant karma. On Saturday, a 61-year-old man in Wisconsin saw two women with a blown tire on the side of the highway, so he stopped to help them change it. About a quarter-mile down the road, he had a HEART ATTACK. Turns out one of the women was a NURSE . . . so when they saw him pulled over they stopped, she gave him CPR, and saved his life.

Now this is a shot to the ego!! On Sunday afternoon, a married couple in Florida had another woman over for a THREESOME. Sounds great, right? Well . . . the two ladies started having fun with each other . . . and really didn’t want the guy participating. They ended up locking him out of the bedroom . . . he flipped out, broke the door down, and attacked them by swinging a TV at them. He was arrested for battery. 

Interesting question–did you keep your New Year’s Resolution? This couple tried real hard… 

 On January 1st, a couple in New York made a weight loss bet . . . whoever lost a lower percentage of their weight would get the other person’s name tattooed. The guy weighed 366 pounds. And he took the bet SERIOUSLY. As of Monday, he had lost 198 POUNDS . . . and he now weighs 168. His wife can’t match that 54% weight loss, so she’ll get his name tattooed on her back.

Five Things You Shouldn’t Buy at the Dollar Store, and Five You Should:

The holidays are coming up, and dollar stores are a good place for stocking stuffers. In fact, stocking stuffers and Christmas decorations can cost 30 to 70% less there. But there are also some dollar store deals you should SKIP.

–Here are five things you shouldn’t but at the dollar store, and five things you should.

 #1.) Don’t Buy Toys. Since they’re cheap, they’ll break, and you’ll just end up having to buy another toy. You also have to worry about what’s in the paint.The one exception is coloring books. They’re usually half as expensive as other stores.

#2.) Don’t Buy Batteries. A lot of generic batteries are made with carbon zinc, not lithium. That’s why they don’t last as long. Plus, they’re more likely to leak and damage electronics.

#3.) Don’t Buy Vitamins. Consumer Reports found that multi-vitamins at dollar stores don’t always have the same amount of nutrients listed on the label.

#4.) Don’t Buy Aluminum Foil. At Costco, you can get three 100-foot rolls of it for $10. Dollar stores usually sell 25-foot rolls for one dollar each.

 –So to get 300 feet at the dollar store, you have to spend TWELVE dollars. And generic aluminum foil and plastic wraps are never as good.

#5.) Don’t Buy Extension Cords or Power Strips. They’re not made well, and they can damage electronics. The same thing goes for any computer wires, like USB cables.

–Now here are five things you SHOULD buy at the dollar store.

 1.) Buy Shampoo. You can save up to $2 a bottle. And according to Consumer Reports, expensive shampoos don’t make your hair look better anyway. They just SMELL better.

 #2.) Buy Cleaning Products. Sometimes they’re diluted, and you’ll need to use more. But the ingredients are basically the same. And since it’s a buck, it’s worth it. Sponges are usually okay too.

 #3.) Buy Greeting Cards. The paper stock won’t be as good, but cards cost three to five dollars at pharmacies. At the dollar store, sometimes they’re two for a buck.

 #4.) Buy Spices. They probably won’t have a good selection. But basics like cinnamon, parsley, and pepper are a lot cheaper than they are at the grocery store. Just make sure you check the expiration dates.

 #5.) Buy Socks. Generic white socks are a pretty good deal. They cost at least $2.50-a-pair at regular stores.

(iVillage.com)

 Now THIS is dedication. A reporter was covering a militant group in Papua New Guinea in the South Pacific. In order to get access to their camp, he had to allow the militant group to CIRCUMCISE him . . . and they circumcise using a BAMBOO STICK. He DID IT . . . and won his paper’s Scoop of the Year award for the effort.  I remember when I got circumsized…I didn’t walk for 2 years..hahaha…

BACK IN THE DAY IN . . .

 1961 – The PGA eliminated its “CAUCASIANS ONLY” rule . . . paving the way for such legendary non-Caucasian golf superstars as TIGER WOODS and . . . um, Tiger Woods.

And time now for some quick tidbits…

–An asteroid passed within 200,000 miles of Earth last night . . .

 . . . It wanted to be closer, but feared getting impregnated by Justin Bieber.

Astronomers knew about this asteroid for years, but never shared it with anyone.  Where do they work . . . Penn State?

–There’s a “Where’s Waldo?” movie in the works. Currently, the hardest guy to find in theaters is Steven Seagal.

 –The “People’s Choice” nominees were announced yesterday. Or, as Chad and Ballsy call it . . . Tuesday.

 The Duggars, from TLC’s “19 Kids and Counting”, are expecting baby number 20 . . .

  . . Someone really needs to tell the mom it’s a uterus, not a clown car.

–A lack of sleep can actually lower your I.Q. And that’s why, after years of waking up at 4:00 A.M. to do this show, I still think fart sounds are hilarious!

 A European airline will begin offering pornography on its flights. And you thought it was annoying when the guy next to you removed his SHOES.

 Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, who has withstood many sex scandals, has agreed to resign. Berlusconi already has a new job waiting for him as head of the National Restaurant Association.

Speaking of politicians…Congrats to Premier Brad Wall  and  the SaskParty Election win…64% of the vote…honestly Hugo Chavez and Fidel Castro only get those numbers and that’s because they make their people vote with an AK47 pointed at them..I hope Brad stays humble…not because of the landslide victory but because his Oakland Raiders are in 1st in the AFC West….until tonight when my Chargers beat them…hahaha..

I’m just glad that this celebrity trial is over….Murray got what was coming to him no doubt..but lets not make Michael Jackson out to be this saint..noboby held him down and jammed an IV into his arm..come on now!! as a musician he was unreal..as a person he was way over-rated…

A crowd outside the courtroom began dancing after the Conrad Murray verdict was announced. They were such good dancers, Dr. Murray had the urge to accidentally kill them.

If there’s any justice in the world, he’ll be sentenced to helping Casey Anthony with her insomnia.

The last doctor that failed so badly at his job was Tara Reid’s plastic surgeon.

–Lindsay Lohan was released from jail after serving just four hours and forty minutes . . .

. . . Lohan still spent longer in jail than Kim Kardashian spent in her marriage.

–There’s talk Kate Middleton is pregnant.  BIEBER!

–Black Sabbath and Van Halen will both make an announcement this month. The announcement? That they wish it was 1978.

 Now if you listen to the show you know I like the Van Hagar version better..But this story is ridiculous especially in the States where 11 percent of the population is unemployed…

TOBY KEITH recorded a Christmas song with SAMMY HAGAR called “Santa’s Going South”. It’s great, if you like hearing two famous guys brag about spending Christmas all warm and toasty in Mexico while the rest of us are freezing our backsides off.

  -Although this version is new, Sammy’s recorded it with other artists in the past. And he can keep re-recording it for all I care. I’m sorry, but any song that blatantly mocks my meager finances just doesn’t bring out my warm and fuzzy holiday feelings.

MICHAEL VICK had a bad day yesterday. His Philadelphia Eagles lost their Monday night game to the Chicago Bears . . . and reports surfaced that some woman is shopping a NUDE picture of Michael. She says he sent it to her from his cell . . . and that it’s a FULL FRONTAL shot. The picture hasn’t surfaced yet. Vick appears to be getting cocky!

A researcher designed an iPhone app that monitored 45,000 people’s happiness for a year. And here’s what he found. HAVING SEX makes us the happiest, followed by exercising and going to a concert. Being SICK IN BED depresses us the most, followed by waiting in line and taking care of an old person. And the happiest moment of the year is 1:50 P.M. on Christmas..What makes you happy? For me yesterday was sitting in my kitchen before bed talking to my girl about her day….Priceless! Have a great day!!

Whether you gave out candy last night, or you got candy, you know there’s a candy hierarchy. And here it is: The top tier includes Milky Way, Rolos, Twix, and Peanut Butter Cups. The next tier has Hershey’s Kisses, M&Ms, and Kit Kats. Then there’s Butterfinger, Baby Ruth, and Nestle Crunch . . . and so on. Okay, this list sucks. But hopefully you enjoy your stash…I’m like the Casino..when my kids come home I take my 15 percent off the top!!

It’s the day after Halloween . .And millions of people will have bad stomach aches from eating tons of junk food late at night. Or, as Christina Aguilera calls it . . . Tuesday morning.

Kim Kardashian is divorcing Kris Humphries after just 72 days of marriage . . .

As for the cause of the split from Humphries, Kim cited irreconcilable not-black-enough.

  “Nobody saw this coming,” said the rep for “Kris and Kim’s Divorce: The Four Hour Special”, airing every second on E!  You have to be a total screwup to mess up a marriage after 72 days!!!

72 days is bad, but it’s nowhere near a record when it comes to short celebrity marriages. Here’s a list of other brief showbiz unions . . . some of which were indeed shorter than that of KIM KARDASHIAN and KRIS HUMPHRIES.

-Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson, 4 months

–Britney Spears and Jason Alexander, 2 days (–55 hours, to be exact.)

–Sophia Bush and Chad Michael Murray, 5 months

-Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman, 6 days

-Mario Lopez and Ali Landry, 2 weeks

-Charlie Sheen and Donna Peele, 5 months

–Chris Kattan and Sunshine Tutt, 8 weeks

–Colin Farrell and Amelia Warner, 4 months

–Jennifer Lopez and Cris Judd, 4 months

–Drew Barrymore and Tom Green, 5 months

–Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds, 2 weeks

–Helen Hunt and Hank Azaria, 11 months

–Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Esposito, 4 months

-Lisa Marie Presley and Nicolas Cage, 3 months

-Renée Zellweger and Kenny Chesney, 4 months

  -Ethel Merman and Ernest Borgnine, 4 weeks

 -Shannen Doherty and Ashley Hamilton, 5 months

A new survey has figured out the average number of friends you’ll have at different ages. People peak with an average of 99 friends at age 21. That drops to 68 friends by age 29 . . . 63 friends at age 39 . . . 43 friends at age 49 . . . and 41 friends at age 55. The survey also found the average person has 208 Facebook friends

A new study analyzed people’s tweets and Facebook updates where they talked about noise in their neighborhoods. It found that people complain the most about LOUD MUSIC and CONSTRUCTION. In fact, they complain about EVERY noise in the neighborhood except one . . . the neighbors HAVING SEX. That’s the ONLY topic that got more positive than negative comments.

–Brett Ratner says he and Michael Jackson once threw water balloons at a homeless person from their limo. And even though that was over ten years ago, Tito STILL hasn’t forgiven them.

 -Adele is undergoing surgery for a hemorrhaged vocal cord. She injured her throat when she tried to swallow a cheeseburger without chewing it first.

Have a great Tuesday…Ballsy

If I asked you to name the highest-grossing actor of all time, who would you pick? JOHNNY DEPP maybe? LEONARDO DICAPRIO? WILL FERRELL, even?

–Well, you’d be wrong, wrong and WRONG. Because the highest-grossing actor of all time is SAMUEL L. JACKSON.

–Jackson’s work over the course of his career has earned $7.42 BILLION, earning him a place in the “Guinness Book of World Records”.

–Of course, Jackson isn’t always the STAR of his movies, but that doesn’t matter. As long as he’s in them, it counts.

–So I guess that means that even small, early career appearances in movies like “Coming to America” and “Goodfellas”.

–Then of course there’s the higher-profile stuff like “Pulp Fiction”, the “Star Wars” prequels, the original “Jurassic Park”, “The Incredibles” and now, all those Marvel superhero movies like “Iron Man”, “Thor” and “Captain America”.

You know that whole Zen Buddhist thing RICHARD GERE has going on? Well, it’s NOT an act. This guy really LIVES it . . . to the point where he actually PRAYS FOR DEAD BUGS.

–That’s according to TOPHER GRACE . . . who recently filmed a movie with Gere called “The Double”.

–He says, quote, “We were at this dinner and . . . there are bugs all over the place and I’m [smacking them] and I look over [at Richard] and am like, ‘Oh, sorry.’

–”He’s friends with the Dalai Lama and stuff. He says, ‘Don’t worry, I’m saying a prayer for each [mosquito you kill].’

–”Then this mosquito landed and was pumping blood out of his cheek . . . It had been awhile and this mosquito is getting fat with blood. And he finally said, ‘There’s a mosquito on my cheek, huh?’

–”And he lifted it [and tossed it in the air] and said, ‘Enjoy the snack.’ It’s crazy. I was blown away by that kind of stillness.” That Pretty Woman did mess  him up!! Kids never mess with hookers!

ALICE COOPER has been sober for 30 years . . . and he has said that he feels fortunate that he was able to recognize the evil of alcohol in time to cut himself off.

–And now, he’s saying that he believes alcohol and cigarettes are even more dangerous than illegal drugs.

–Alice tells “OK!” magazine, quote, “You know, looking at statistics, I think drugs should be legal and alcohol and cigarettes should be illegal. They kill more [people] than drugs do.”

(–If this is mainly about marijuana, then I’d agree. But if he’s talking about ALL illegal drugs, I’m not sure that I’m with him) By the way this doesn’t mean I endorse marijuana use….too much of that crap screws up you brain!! ever talk to a serious pot head? you know what I mean then…

This sounds like an old wives’ tale that parents use to keep their kids from eating cookies before bed . . . but science backs it up. Several studies have found that eating JUNK FOOD or SPICY FOOD before you go to bed makes you more likely to have NIGHTMARES. Those foods heat up your body, making your brain work . . . and when it’s that active, nightmares can happen.

The official coroner’s report says Amy Winehouse died of an alcohol overdose . . .

. . . Damn. I had “lupus” in the office pool. But then, I figured it was a long shot.

–Kevin Richardson will rejoin the Backstreet Boys for a December concert. Because hey, it’s not like their tour bus is going to drive itself.

–Dr. Conrad Murray was moved to tears during his trial when five of his patients praised him on the witness stand. Dr. Murray cried from the shock of learning that five of his patients were still alive.

–British scientists have created a super breed of broccoli that can drastically reduce cholesterol. AND, it tastes just like bacon. Nah, kidding. It tastes like broccoli. Back to your McMuffin.

–A British man is the world’s first patient to have a smartphone docking system built into his prosthetic arm. He’s the first guy who can literally tell people to “Talk to the hand!”

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–Tony Romo says he and his wife are having a baby . . .

I hope this whole “having a baby in wedlock” thing won’t be a blemish on the NFL.

  . . But unfortunately, Romo won’t be allowed to hold the kid till he proves he can go more than 15 minutes without fumbling.

And if your coming to the Wolf Metallica Extravaganza tonight at the District I’ll see you there! I’ll be the one in the Sad but True corner…Later Ballsy!